Gloria: Leap day is stupid.
Jay: You're not understanding the logic behind it. A year is actually 365.25 days. Every four years, we gain one day. If we didn't adjust the calendar in, say, 40 years, February would almost be January.
Gloria: That's not my problem, and it's definitely not your problem.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] I totally missed the connection. A month after the most devastating twister to ever hit Cam's hometown, I throw a party based on gay cinema's most famous tornado.

Cameron: Happy Birthday to me.
[aside to camera:]
Cameron: I'm 10!
Mitchell: 40!
Cameron: I was born February 29th, and there have been ten of those in my lifetime, therefore I'm 10! It's fun.
Mitchell: It's so much fun.

Jay: Look at this. The housekeeper turned another one of my whites pink. I can't wear this to a sports bar.
Gloria: Mm, they're not going to be looking at you, Jay.
Jay: Somebody's feeling pretty good about herself.
Gloria: They're going to be watching the match.
Jay: You meant you a little bit.

Cameron: Yeah, you know, it's been a month, and she hasn't heard anything, and she's just beside herself. And then you know what else? Lily succumbed to her injuries.
Mitchell: Your aunt Lily died?
Cameron: No, the family pig. Aunt Lily was a-
Mitchell: We named our daughter after a pig?
Cameron: Could you just witness my pain instead of criticizing?

Cameron: The sooner I can start to party, the sooner I can start to forget.
Mitchell: But then again, hey, if you keep running from every reminder of the tornado, doesn't the tornado win?
Cameron: Mitchell, my grandpa runs to his pickup truck every morning because he thinks the pitchfork is gonna come back down. The tornado always wins.

Jay: Hey, you survived trapeze class, huh?
Manny: Didn't happen, and common decency prevents me from telling you why. How was the soccer match?
Jay: Thrilling. 1-1 tie. One of the goals was an accident.

Luke: Ugh! It smells like puke married poop and had the ceremony in my nose.
Manny: You paint with words.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Suddenly, it all made sense. Cam's craziness all day wasn't about a party. It was about turning 40. And once he realized that, everything got much worse.

Phil: Come on, boys! It's leap day, not sleep day! Whoo!
[aside to camera:]
Phil: I love Leap Day!
Claire: It's kind of a big deal in the Dunphy house. This year, we even got Manny involved.
Phil: You're given this gift of 24 extra hours. You can't waste it at work or school. You have to do something extraordinary, something shocking.
Claire: Mm. This year, the entire family is taking a trapeze class.
Phil: How extraordinary is that?
Claire: It was my idea.
Phil: How shocking is that?
Claire: I can be spontaneous every four years.
Phil: I can't wait.