Jay: And so we went to your apartment. It's still embarrassing. I told you I had never been with a woman. And you took me by the hand and you led me into the bedroom. You were so sweet and beautiful. I thought I'd gone to heaven.
Charlotte: Jay Pritchett.
Jay: Yes! Yes!
Charlotte: Oh! I remember that. You were so handsome.
Jay: Ohh! I don't know about that. I mean, cute, maybe. People talk about my eyes. But I always regretted not getting in touch with you when I got back, because you had given me something that I cherished for almost 50 years.
Charlotte: You gave me something, too.
Jay: I did?
Charlotte: You wait right there.

Phil: My mom was right. They're gonna eat him alive.
Claire: Do you think we can break up Annie Fitzsimmons and her boyfriend?
Cameron: Boyfriend? Oh, you mean Marv? Oh, that's hilarious. Oh! Marv's her brother, visiting from Pompano. He's here for the week, slept with half the women in this place.
Claire: She's single? This is fantastic.
Phil: Cam, how do you know that?
Cameron: This place is lousy with gossips.

Judge Bartley: Next. Gloria Delgado?
Gloria: I'm here!
Judge Bartley: Conspiring to promote prostitution. How do you plead?
Mitchell: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge Bartley: Oh, good. It's you.

Phil: I'm actually Phil Dunphy. I-I'm Frank and Grace Dunphy's son.
Annie: Oh, I heard about your mom. I'm- I'm so sorry. Thank you. I only met her a few times, but she seemed like a lovely woman. Mm, but I'm still confused.
Phil: Well, this probably won't help, but, um... Her last request was for me to fix you up with my dad.
Annie: Oh, my.
Phil: Yeah. I really wish I sold vacuums.
Annie: So earlier?
Phil: We were thrown when your brother answered the door. We thought he was your boyfriend.
Annie: I don't know what to say.
Phil: Really? This is such a-a normal request I'm making.