Alex: So, just because I'm curious...
Cameron: Yeah, it's a livestock train, but people ride it, too. But don't worry, we're in first class with the show hogs.

Cameron: Hey, you're sure now's not a bad time to borrow your garment steamer?
Manny: Of course not. And this thing's a marvel. Who knew George Foreman had one more in him after his grill?

Gloria: I'm so glad that you're here. Do you remember that little problem that I told you I had?
Phil: Everyone has dreams like that. The Japanese have a whole genre of comic books about it.
Gloria: No, no, no. It's about Jay. I don't know if he's losing his hearing or he's depressed or what. Probably he's ashamed to talk to me, but...
Phil: But not to his best friend. Say no more. I just need you to fill a spaghetti pot with water and boil it.
Gloria: How is that gonna help?
Phil: Oh, it's a backup for Cam's suit. I lost all confidence in George Foreman after his teeth-whitening system burned my gums.

Gloria: So nice.
Cameron: What? Nice? It was the perfect goodbye letter. It's "The Notebook" meets the first 10 minutes of "Up." It was enough to make you curse God for giving you the ability to love.
Gloria: It was a poem where every line started with a letter of my name.

Jay: Chaqueta. Sombrero. What are you? I know you're masculine.
Gloria: What is wrong with you?
Jay: What are you talking about?
Gloria: You're acting crazy, and it's scaring me. You're too young to be acting like an old man.
Jay: [Spanish: "Who are you calling an old man?"]
Gloria: [Spanish: "I'm not mad at you, I--"]
Jay: [Spanish: "I'm learning Spanish for you. Surprise, my love."] I've been using this app, you know, so I'll know what's going on when I go with you to Colombia this summer.
Gloria: [gasps] You're coming?!
Jay: You've been staring at my family for 12 years. Least I can do is stare at yours for one summer.
Gloria: You're wonderful. But no staring, and never, ever take the same route twice. Ay, Jay, you're gonna love it.

Lily: I said I wasn't gonna cry.
Manny: And you're not.
Lily: Yeah. It's called strength.

Jay: [v.o.] A lot can happen to a family over the years. New additions... New struggles. You don't always mark the moments, because you're too busy taking care of life. Best you can do sometimes is remind yourself to cherish every single...

Claire: So, that's pretty much... 25 years of uninterrupted crazy. Then, when it ends... it ends.
Phil: Until our next chapter. I'm just brainstorming here, but, uh... maybe we take a long-delayed RV trip across the United States, get selfies with all the Major League baseball mascots.
Claire: I must really love you, 'cause that sounds fun. [voice breaking] They're really leaving. What do we do?
Phil: What people have always done. Leave the porch light on. They come back.

Gloria: And don't forget that Joe and I are leaving to Colombia for the whole summer.
Phil: How's that gonna be for Jay?
Jay: Rough. If you drive past my house and see me sock-sliding past the window with a scotch in my hand, that's just how I deal with grief.

Cameron: Well, don't stress out too much. The... The car is here.
Mitchell: Okay.
Claire: Oh.
Phil: So... this is goodbye again.
Mitchell: Yeah.
Phil: It's gonna take a minute to ramp back up to all the emotion... [voice breaking] I'm there.