Phil: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick! Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there. I just want to say how proud of you we all are. You're an inspiration. Who would have thought that 20 years ago when you were still in the bloom of your youth-
Claire: Okay, I'm gonna go start the car.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] I know how important winning is to Claire.
Cameron: And I love to festoon things.
Mitchell: We're her dream team.
Cameron: So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school, and voted first thing.
Mitchell: Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation.
[flashback:]
Cameron: Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad?
Chad: Oh, sure. No problem.

[aside to camera:]
Haley: This whole waiting-to-hear thing has been a nightmare since the very first letter.
[flashback:]
Haley: I'm too nervous. I can't do it.
Alex: "Dear miss Dunphy, we regret to inform you..."
Haley: What?! Don't leave me hanging!
[aside to camera:]
Haley: After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news. I have one school left, and the only good news I've gotten is that my annoying neighbor Becky is moving back east to Oregon.

Cameron: [over loud speaker] We're here, we're Claire, get used to it!
Mitchell: You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking. Here, let me try one. [over loud speaker] You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for. Vote Dunphy for town council. Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy. Uh, C-Caire's her first name. I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire.

Cameron: Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there, and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk. [over loud speaker] Hey! You in the yellow jacket. Pick it up and put it in the trash.
Mitchell: Oh, my God. He did it.
Cameron: Yes, he did.
Mitchell: Ooh, here. Let me try one. [over loud speaker] I'll try- Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking!
Cameron: Oh, my gosh. This is an instrument of power. How could they not sell tacos?
Mitchell: You know what we could do with this thing? Cam, we could really make a difference. We could be the voice of change.
Cameron: Ooh, I got it! Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt.

Reporter: Hi. I'm from the "Weekly Saver. Mind if I ask you a couple questions about the big election?
Claire: Not at all. Fire away.
Reporter: Who are you voting for today?
Claire: Claire Dunphy.
Reporter: Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. Why?
Claire: Uh. Because I am Claire Dunphy.
Reporter: Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales. We take turns reporting. How do you feel about your chances today?
Claire: Not as good as I did a few minutes ago.

Alex: What is that?
Haley: Is that a tooth? Ew!
Luke: Awesome!
Haley: How old are you?
Luke: Do it again!
Alex: How does that even happen?
Claire: It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury. It just fell out.

Jay: All right, it's no big deal. There was a woman working there. I didn't want her to see me.
Gloria: Who is she?
Jay: Her name is Dottie. She's the first woman I dated after my divorce.
Gloria: You dated a Dottie after Dede?
Jay: Y- You're focusing on the wrong thing here.

Jay: I'll figure out something. Maybe those poll workers take shifts.
Gloria: Stop hiding in your little cave like a- Like, you know. Like the- The- The-
Jay: I really don't wanna do this again.
Gloria: No, the-
Jay: No. No.
Gloria: The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one. Ay, why can't I remember any animal names?

Cameron: [over loud speaker] They will break all your buttons and say you brought it in that way.
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind.
Cameron: And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us.
[montage:]
Mitchell: Do not see that movie! You will neither laugh nor cry!
Cameron: "Best pizza in the city"? Not even the best pizza on this street.
Mitchell: They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures!
Cameron: "Totally free checking"? Don't bank on it!