Phil: No, she feels great. Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high. There's your headline.

Gloria: What happened back there?
Jay: Line was too long. I couldn't wait.
Gloria: I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet!
Jay: Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay? That place I take you has the greatest sherbet on the West Coast. They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet.
Gloria: Why are we talking about sherbet?
Manny: He's clearly changing the subject.
Jay: Why aren't you in school?
Manny: He's doing it again.

Gloria: Manny's right. You're being very ardilla.
Jay: "Ardilla"?
Gloria: Yeah, you know, the- The one that- That-
Jay: Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y?
Gloria: No, another one with the cheeks and the tail and-
Jay: Chipmunk? Possum?
Manny: Okay, obviously she means squirrel. You were being squirrely then, you're being squirrely now.
Jay: Better than being a rat.
Gloria: Manny, give us a minute.
Manny: Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter.

Jay: [aside to camera] Actually, I don't know how she took it, 'cause I wasn't there. We dated a few weeks, then after we, you know, I slipped out of her house before she woke up and never called her again. Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral, let it roll down the driveway, lights off. Hey, I can't talk about this anymore.

Gloria: So because of this woman, you didn't vote for your daughter? It's Claire! We need her to win! I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled.

Phil: Climb aboard the Dunphy Express. Next stop: democracy.
Walt: What? No, no-
Phil: Please don't go. I won't do that anymore. I promise.

Walt: What the hell's wrong with her? She sounds drunk!
Phil: It's a tooth thing.
Walt: [beeping] Uh-oh.
Phil: What's wrong?
Walt: Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy.
Phil: Is that serious?
Walt: Is oxygen serious?
Phil: You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses. I'm just gonna drop you at home. You can get your air. I can drive other people.
Walt: I don't have any more tanks at home.
Phil: Why? That seems like bad planning.
Walt: Well, I forgot to order them. My pills make me forget things. Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill!
Phil: Please tell me you have it with you.
Walt: Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food. Don't I?
Phil: Are you asking me?
Walt: Uh, yes! I do take them with food! Ooh. I don't feel so well.
Phil: Okay, I'll get you whatever you want! I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food.
Walt: Then I'll vote for your drunk wife.
Phil: That is not her drunk voice!

Phil: Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond to allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit?
Claire: Uh, I haven't been elected yet.

Claire: All right, everybody, come on! Do you know what you're doing, kids? You guys are manning the phone banks. Alex, you're in charge of that.
Haley: Wh- Why is she in charge? And what's- What's a phone bank?
Alex: That's why.

Phil: I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls, assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. Where you at?
Luke: [chuckles] High-five. Old people occasionally forget things.