Caleb: You okay with the pressure?
Mitchell: If you looked under this table, you'll see I'm drooling like a trumpeter.

Caleb: Hey! Uh, everything okay with the recycling bins?
Cameron: What? Oh. Oh. The excuse. Y-Y-Yes, and listen, about earlier, um, Mitchell has a little crush on you and I was being weird, but we're all good now, so-
Caleb: No, it's actually really nice to hear. I just got dumped, so I'll take any validation I can get. Did he say what exactly about me he liked?
Cameron: I think how not needy you are.

Claire: That's what all the fuss is about? An earring? Ugh. Where's the bear?
Manny: Closet. I started with an earring. No one even noticed.
Claire: So, you might need to up your game, pal. Try wearing a snake around your neck and then act annoyed when people want to talk about it. Drawers?
Manny: I went a different way.
Claire: Uh-huh. Oh! Okay. Wow. Well, first of all, welcome. We do have more fun.

Claire: I'm guessing you like it, but you're worried what other people will think?
Manny: A passerby likened me to a tennis ball.
Claire: And you can't hide in here until it grows out.
Manny: I ran the numbers. Even with inside-out wearings, I'd be out of underwear in three weeks.

Jay: Apparently, Joe shared the uplifting news that his friends could die at any minute.
Superman: Hey, so, I love what I do, but I feed off the energy of my audience. And if I'm not getting a lot back, it's harder for me to forget I'm a 45-year-old classically trained actor in a body sock and a cape that doubles as a curtain in my van. So, I'm gonna go.

Gloria: Joe, come here. We need to talk again about the thing.
Joe: I think I'm just gonna go to bed.
Jay: Hold on. It's true we all die sometime. But someone like you, so young, is gonna live a long, long, long time. Yeah, and the thing is, knowing we're gonna die some day can be a good thing. Because it reminds us to appreciate every minute that we're around.
Joe: [sighs]
Gloria: It's hitting you hard, isn't it?
Joe: It feels like I'm never going to laugh again.
Jay: But that's natural. This is a pretty adult thing you're dealing with here. In fact, I'd be worried about you if you weren't walking underneath a cloud for a few days. And eventually...
Manny: Hey!
Joe: [laughs while pointing at Manny's hair]

Mitchell: Hey. You, me, bedroom. I got the Syrah and I want to do something Syr-wrong.

Mitchell: Cam, you're not dying!
Cameron: We don't know that I'm not! I-I had a cousin that died at my age from a genetic condition, and it runs on my mom's side of the family. And if you have those two genes, you're at risk. That's why I've been acting crazy all day.
Mitchell: Well, then, take a test to make sure you don't have that pair of mom genes.

Mitchell: Oh, honey, I'm I'm so sorry you've been going through this by yourself. Hey. Hey, let's look at the results together, okay?
Cameron: Really?
Mitchell: Yeah.
Cameron: Okay, here goes. Oh, thank God.
Mitchell: You're okay?
Cameron: No, my Etsy order shipped.

Phil: Oh, no. I'm in heaven.
Claire: No. No, you're not. Not yet. You made it. And just so you know, Surgery Bear was here and scrubbed in for the whole procedure.
Phil: That's pretty dangerous. He's a women's studies professor. Besides, the only thing I really needed was my neck pillow.
Claire: What?
Phil: I knew if you didn't have something to keep you busy, you'd worry all day.
Claire: Aww, honey. You really do know me.