Mitchell: Okay, you want to know the truth? Sometimes you send her some mixed signals.
[flashback:]
Cameron: I'm gonna bite your feet. I'm gonna bite 'em right off.
[back:]
Cameron: Oh, I'm not the one who uses my teeth like a multi-tool.
[flashback:]
Mitchell: Here we go. Cookies for Lily wine for us.
[back:]
Mitchell: Okay. I can't believe you would equate that-
Cameron: Don't bite my head off. I'm not a pack of batteries.

Manny: At this rate, I'm gonna miss the first dance... at my wedding.
Luke: I thought he only had one item?
Jay: Tell your dad if it were up to me, we'd have been in and out of here in about 10 minutes.
Phil: You mentioned that.
Jay: And I'll probably mention it again. Because thanks to someone, we're gonna be here a while.
Phil: Yeah, I get it.
Jay: Luke, you should order that suit in a larger size-
Phil: I get it.
Jay: Because by the time we get out of here...

Jay: Where the hell are you going?
Phil: Luke needs socks.
Luke: Make 'em teal.
Manny: You're playing a very dangerous game.

Jay: Hey, boys. Look who it is, the guy that stole our parking spot.
Luke: Are you going to hit him? I'd totally hit him.
Jay: I'm not gonna hit him, but I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. Now, boys, pay attention. You wanna be men? This is how you handle a jerk like this. Hey, chief. You know, you stole our parking space today.
Guy: What?
Jay: That's right. I was waiting for the parking space, you sneaked right in there. That make you feel like a big man?
Guy: Did I? I didn't even notice.
Jay: That's no excuse.
Guy: I'm really sorry. My dog died today. I had to put him to sleep. Fourteen years. He was all I had. Now I can't stand the thought of going back to my empty apartment. So I just keep wandering around the mall.
Jay: You know what? Forget about the... spot.
Guy: God! That was his name!
Luke: Do not hit him.

Jay: Oh, hey, listen. They didn't tell me, but what did you do to that guy? Did you get him?
Phil: Yeah. I sprayed him with cologne.
Jay: I'm sorry I asked.
Phil: No, but like a lot of cologne. I just like got way up in there.
Jay: Good boy.

Gloria: Well, you've been pushing me away the whole week. You've been fighting all my ideas.
Claire: That's because this is my thing, Gloria.
Gloria: Why can't it be my thing too, Claire?
Claire: Because everything is your thing. This- This is the one thing that was my thing. This is my only thing. Oh, my God. This is my only thing. And then you come along and you steal my thunder with your tight dresses and your great ideas. I was the one that all the moms looked up to. I was the only one Gus liked.
Gloria: Please, if you like him so much, you can keep him.
Claire: It's not the same now that I know he likes you. That sounds really insane, but this isn't actually about Gus.
Gloria: Really? Because you've been talking a lot about him.

Claire: I know. It's just that God gave you so much thunder.
Gloria: Yeah, maybe too much. I hate how those woman look at me. You think I don't know what they're thinking? "Ah, here comes the hot one with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband." And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny. I volunteer because I want them to see that there is so much more to me.
Claire: Why didn't you tell me that?
Gloria: Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell me you had a weird thing for Gus. It's embarrassing.