Man: Hey, man. Sick scale armor!
Mitchell: Oh, really? You think so? It's not too much with the cape? I wanted something that would go from feast to battle.
Man: Crushed it.
Mitchell: Yes!
Man: Oh, we're about to take our annual Norph group photo. You coming?
Mitchell: Yes, yes! Phil, we're taking a pic Oh, I'm sorry. I lost my friend.
Man: Hey, most of us come alone. You don't have to pretend.

Phil: Scary ogre teeth. Where'd you get those?
Man: I'm guessing my birth parents.
Phil: I'm so sorry.

Phil: Why can't I just [into microphoney] shut up? [crowd gasps]
Joel L.L. Logan: Sorry, was I going on too long?
Phil: I didn't [gasps] You're Joel L.L. Logan.
Joel L.L. Logan: What's your question, friend?
Phil: Oh, uh...
Joel L.L. Logan: Don't be shy. I may have created this kingdom, but we're all fellow heirs to it. Isn't that right? [crowd whistling distinctly]
Phil: In that case, Mr. Logan. Uh, I read on a fan page there's gonna be a Mozgovian uprising in the season finale that'll wipe out the entire ruling class, including the gruesome beheading of Adebayo the Righteous.
Joel L.L. Logan: Um...
Phil: Wait, a-are you are you gonna kill Adebayo?
Joel L.L. Logan: What? No, no. Who's- Who- Who's Adebayo? [chuckles]
Phil: Oh, dear lord. It is true.
Man: You fool! Why would you ask him that?! We all stay off of spoiler sites for a reason!
Man #2: This show is the only thing I've got going on and you ruined it! [crowd booing]
Phil: Ohh! Ow! They let you bring your spheres?! They took away my tweezers!

Alex: [gasps] Manny?
Manny: This is the check Mrs. Nussbaum gave me to drive her car to Delaware. It's yours if you come with me.
Alex: Okay.
Manny: Wait, what?
Alex: Well, Haley already warned me you'd be asking and I thought, "Sure." My favorite research institute is on the way. And I could bring my windsock and barometer for that new weather modeling project I've been noodling with.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] I may have lost Phil, but I found my people. And the choreography was a snap. It's basically a river dance, uh, crossed with the hora.

Jay: Where have you been? I've been waiting forever.
Claire: I was angry. I needed to take a walk so I could forget how pigheaded you can be.
Jay: You want to take another lap?
Claire: Dad, I am right about this. Eventually Nick is gonna figure out how to keep up with demand, and then where are we gonna be? I know your style has always been just tough it out and and beat back every threat-
Jay: That's not it, Claire. You're right. We can't beat these guys. A merger's the only long-term play. I just don't know who I am in there.
Claire: What?
Jay: They're all 25, zippin' around on their...
Claire: The hoverboards?
Jay: What's that make me, the cute old guy? The mascot? "Old man Pritchett's in the men's room. Let's go watch him cuss out the automatic faucets again."

Phil: They're monsters. They've been pelting me with Chobani flail spheres.
Mitchell: Wait. Ch- Chobani, like the yoghurt?
Phil: The show took on corporate sponsors in season four.

Cameron: [aside to camera] As a gay man, I know every party planner in town. So I sent out a group text, and as luck would have it, my friend Ronaldo was wrapping up a kid's Peter Pan party. And I said, "Send me whatever you got."

Mitchell: Thank you so much for today. I-I never would've gone through with it if you hadn't inspired me.
Phil: I inspired you?
Mitchell: Mm.
Phil: Wait. In book the third, the high cleric overcomes the curse of the Foolmaker by being pure of heart and goes on to be a great inspirer of people. Do you think- [Mitchell has vanished. Phil talks to the Peter Pan performer] You seem glum. Perhaps you should be turning your passions elsewhere.
Peter Pan: You're right. I'm going back to vet school. It's about time I grew up.
[Phil gives the camera an amazed look]

Gloria: I just wanted a nice party for Joe. There's only so long that you can make things perfect for them. Suddenly, they move on. They wake up one morning and they want to drive a cross-country all alone.
Cameron: Oh, right, Manny. I know you're scared, but your should feel proud. You took kind of a-
Gloria: You can say it a weird kid.
Cameron: A weird kid, and turned him into somebody so comfortable with himself that he's willing to take on a pretty big adventure.
Gloria: Thank you, Cam.