Jay: Gloria, where's Manny? Some neighborhood kids have invited him to play football.
Gloria: He said he was taking his morning constitutional.

Jay: Gloria, you and Manny do enough together. Let's let him decide. Where's he walking?
Gloria: I don't know. But according to the song he was singing, he was going to the sunny side of the street.
Jay: I cannot express to you enough how bad this kid needs football.

Gloria: [aside to camera] When Manny was 5, we didn't have much. We were on our own. So we always dreamed of winning the lottery.
Manny: We figured if we collected 100 heads-up pennies and bought a ticket with them, we couldn't lose.
Gloria: But now I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful home I feel like I already won the lottery.
Manny: So I can keep whatever we win?
Gloria: I think no. I found most of them.

Jay: [answering the phone] Oh, hi, Margo. No, she just ran upstairs. Listen, about these theater tickets, don't knock yourself out trying to- Oh, you did? Well, sorry to do this last minute, but they can't go. No, Manny has a football game, so...
Manny: [o.s.] Jay, could you steep my tea?
Jay: I cannot express to you enough how much this kid needs football.

Phil: Oh, so sorry. It's the boss. [answering phone] Hey.
Claire: Hi. I'm on my way home. I've been calling Haley, but nobody's answering. Is everything okay there?
Phil: Everything here is great.
Claire: Oh, thank God. Did you put the chair out front?
Phil: Not yet.
Claire: Honey, you're gonna miss the trash pickup.
Phil: Don't worry. If they don't take it, someone else will.
Claire: Who is gonna pick up that ratty chair off our lawn?
Phil: Are you kidding? It's in great shape. Super cozy. People are always commenting on it. Trust me, it'll be gone by the end of the day.
Claire: Please, just do it now.
Phil: I can't. [to Steven and Stefan] I'm so sorry. [on phone] When I'm done with these clients, I'll call Luke and Leon. I know I can talk them into it.
Steven: We are not losing this house to Luke and Leon.

Steven & Stefan: We'll take it.
Phil: Oh!
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Commission Accomplished.

Mitchell: So how great is your life right now, huh? A new house, a new baby, Stefan's Propecia's kicking in.

Steven: Have you thought about surrogacy? At least you'd be making a baby instead of waiting around for some pregnant mom to maybe pick you.
Cameron: Well, we considered it, but how do you decide which one will- Where's Lily?
Mitchell: Sleeping.
Cameron: Ice the cupcake.
Mitchell: That you couldn't say in front of Lily?
Cameron: Well, then, she'd want a cupcake.

Mitchell: Yeah, maybe we should think about this swirl.
Cameron: Well, I-I didn't think surrogacy was for us. But, you know, 'cause one of us would feel left out.
Mitchell: Yeah, but if you don't know whose it is-
Stefan: Sorry we're late. Guys, meet Roco.
Cameron: [muttering to Mitchell] Roco or cocoa?

Jay: [aside to camera] I knew Gloria would find out I lied about those tickets. But I figured when she saw Manny out there, playing with all those other kids, she'd thank me. That's what I figured.