Claire: I'm saying I give the egg.
Mitchell: Oh!
Claire: Yeah. I give the egg. That's the Pritchett side. And then, Cam, you're the father, right? And then we just, like, mix it and put it in a, like, a surrogate lady thing, and then bang! We have a baby.
Mitchell: Oh. Are--are you serious?
Cameron: You would do that?
Claire: I would be honored. You guys, you guys, if there's one thing I have learned today, it's the pleasure of looking at your children, and seeing both- both of you in there. And I want you to have that experience.
Mitchell: Yeah. Yeah. We want that.
Claire: And something else. Guys, I make really good babies. Yes. I have, like, magic eggs or something. They're golden.

Claire: What was I thinking? I-I-I just get drunk and I bring a baby into the world?
Phil: That would be 4 for 4.

Claire: I can't go through with it.
Phil: Don't panic. You haven't donated anything yet. Besides, what are the chances your eggs even work? What are the chances we can pretend I never said that?

Cameron: Look. This is what my baby with Claire would look like.
Mitchell: What is this? What-
Cameron: Okay, well, I found a web site where couples can upload pictures and then it shows them what their baby would look like. This is Gloria and I. Couldn't resist.
Mitchell: Wow. That- That looks exactly like Manny. Like- Like weirdly so. What- What's this other picture?
Cameron: Don't be jealous. But this Is me and Justin Timberlake.
Mitchell: Cam, we have a problem.
Cameron: Oh, what? You can talk about Ryan Gosling all day, but the moment I say something...

Mitchell: Oh, my God. Cam, they told the kids already, and they seem to be totally into it. All right, is it just me? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird?
Cameron: Maybe it's not weird. Maybe we're pioneers.
Mitchell: Mm, no we're hardly pioneers. You have three different hair dryers for different types of weather.

Gloria: No. You don't get to tell everyone how to live their lives, that boys cannot spend time with their mommies or that brothers and sisters can't make babies.
Jay: So you're all for this?
Gloria: No. It's a freak show, but it's their freak show.

Manny: The big one, remember? One of the first ones we found. It was at the bottom of the gutter in the street.
Gloria: Ay, yes. We put the gum at the bottom of your walking stick. Ay, look at this one-- the green one, the one we found at the floor of my taxi.
Jay: Your taxi?
Gloria: Yes. Before I had somebody running my life for me, I used to drive a taxi at night. Manny would sleep in the seat next to me. One time, I had to hit the brakes so hard that he fell into the floor and he found the penny.
Manny: Pretty lucky, huh?

Phil: Quick, girls, famous Danny from Moonstruck. [answering phone] Aiello?

Mitchell: Well, we did our good deed for the day.
Cameron: Yeah, for the enemy. Don't they have enough?
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: It's been about a year since we decided to adopt a boy. Meanwhile, our friends Steven and Stefan decided that they wanted a baby, too.
Cameron: [muttering] Wonder where they got that idea?
Mitchell: Well, we're still waiting, but they already got their kid because they went through a surrogate.
Cameron: [muttering] Which is all they talk about.
Mitchell: Are you gonna keep doing that?
Cameron: [muttering] I might.

Luke: Thanks for the hat, Leon. It kind of tickles.
Claire: Phil!
Leon: How much electricity do we need to bring this back?
Luke: It's not rocket science. We're only reanimating a squirrel.
Claire: Phil! Now!