Lloyd: You girls should really get up to the planetarium. They got a great laser show up there. I have a card that can get four of you in for the price of three. [group cheers]
Dabney: Let me know when you're going. As soon as my grandmother falls asleep, I can sneak up and sit next to you. [girls laugh]
Woman: Are you wearing cologne?
Stevie: Just my... aftershave.
Malcolm: Hey, Stevie.
Stevie: I'm working... here.

Cooking Teacher: The key to quick chopping is to rest the blade against your knuckles and slowly pull back as we... [chopping sound] Who chopped that?
Reese: I-I did it.
Cooking Teacher: Let's see it again. [chopping sound] Oh, my word!
Hal: Actually, his slices are a little more uniform than yours.
Cooking Teacher: And you say you've never cooked anything before?
Reese: Intentionally? No.
Cooking Teacher: Remarkable.

Hal: Hey. What you doing there, son?
Malcolm: I have to prove Kepler's third law of planetary motion.
Hal: What's Dewey doing?
Malcolm: He's coloring.
Hal: Well, I'd better get in there.

Reese: Dad, there's this crazy guy chasing me. He's saying I did some horrible things, but I couldn't really understand him. I think he's an escapee from the mental hospital. [knock at door] I didn't hear anything.
[When Hal opens the door, there's a father standing next to his son, whose hair has been shaved in random places]
Man: Hello again, Hal.

Malcolm: What is Cynthia doing?
Dabney: We thought you would know, given your relationship.
Malcolm: We don't have a relationship.
Stevie: It's okay... to feel.
Malcolm: Shut up.

Cynthia: Hey, guys. Here you go. I'm having a party this weekend. Don't lose those invitations 'cause no one gets past my dad without them. [giggles]
Dabney: A party. An actual, non-self-delusional figment-of-my-imagination party.
Lloyd: Is it your birthday?
Cynthia: No, it's just for socializing. You know, it's weird. I've been here for a month and a half, and you guys are the only friends I have.
Dabney: You're kidding.
Cynthia: [snorts] I'm serious. It may be hard for you guys to believe, but some people have trouble making friends. [guys nod]

Francis: Hey, Eric, how's it going?
Eric: You just missed your third history deadline, Francis. I am not going to Spangler's summer school because my partner blew off his half of the project.
Francis: Didn't you get my half? I slipped it under your door.
Eric: This is your half? [holds up sheet of paper]
Francis: Yeah.
Eric: [holds up binder] This is my half!
Francis: Well, if I knew you were going to go so overboard, I would have spent a little more time on my section.
Eric: You photocopied a page out of the dictionary.

Francis: Okay. I messed up. There's still time. When's this thing due, again?
Eric: The 20th.
Francis: And you're worried? We have over a week.
Eric: My half took me two months.
Francis: Okay, I guess I'm just going to have to buckle down and get it done, then.
Eric: All right. I'll go to the library and get some books. You stay here and organize your notes.
Francis: Sounds like a plan.
[After Eric leaves and closes the door, he hears a noise and goes back into Francis's room. He finds Francis with half his body out the window.]
Francis: 68 degrees. Perfect paper-writing temperature. Let's get to it.

Cynthia: [to a boy] I hope you come with an appetite. I'm serving cookies shaped like famous Communist revolutionaries. [to another boy] Hi, I'm Cynthia...
Malcolm: Uh... Cynthia, can I talk to you for a second?
Cynthia: Sure. Tell all your friends! [snorts]
Malcolm: How many people are you inviting to your party?
Cynthia: God, who knows? I left a stack of invitations at the library and a stack at the arcade. I figure people will appreciate the personal touch. You know, so they can match a face with a face. [giggles]
Malcolm: Don't you think you're kind of overreaching?
Cynthia: What are you talking about?
Malcolm: I'm afraid you're setting yourself up for a giant disappointment. I mean, when ten people don't show up, it's a drag. When 300 people don't show up, it's, like, total humiliation.
Cynthia: Well, I guess lots of people will have to show up, then.

Lois: Sorry I'm late! Craig ran off some kids and needed me to walk him to his car.