Cynthia: Aw, look at Malcolm, surrounded by all his friends. I wonder what he owes his social success to? What do you think, Invisible Friend Number One?
Malcolm: Leave me alone.
Cynthia: There you go again, pushing people away. You know, Malcolm, if you want to make friends you have to extend yourself.
Malcolm: Yeah, you're right. I'm going to work on that. See ya.
Cynthia: It's sad, really. I feel sorry for you. You know what? I just got the greatest idea! It's- It's the perfect way to break you out of your self-protective shell.
Malcolm: What are you talking about?
Cynthia: You're going to cohost the party with me. Come on. Hi, I'm Cynthia and this is Malcolm. We're cohosting a party this weekend...
Malcolm: Let go.
Cynthia: And we have a musical invitation for you. [sings to "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain"] You should come 'round to our party, you'll have fun You'll have fun You should come 'round to our party, you'll have fun...

Malcolm: Okay, you made me do this.
[Malcolm drags Cynthia into the boys' bathrooms]
Cynthia: Can't you think of a better place to kiss me?
Malcolm: There. Read that.
Cynthia: Malcolm, are you crazy?
Malcolm: Read. That's the Krelboyne Wall of Fame. You can see that you're pretty well represented. There's my section and there's Lloyd's. But in terms of sheer volume, you still have us beat. So do you understand now? You can't have that party. [sees Cynthia crying] But that one there, that's ridiculous. No one really believes that about you. [Cynthia runs out]
Stevie: [o.s.] Real... classy.

Malcolm: Hey, you guys seen Cynthia?
Dabney: No, but maybe you can settle a debate. Maroon or beige?
Malcolm: What are you guys talking about?
Lloyd: Duh. Matching turtlenecks for the party.

Cynthia: Hey, everybody.
Malcolm: Oh, Cynthia, I wanted to apologize...
Cynthia: Nothing to apologize for, Malcolm. Here. I'm canceling my party. These are uninvitations. Don't crowd, there's one for each of you. Malcolm opened my eyes to the fact that I'm a creepy, friendless dork who has no reason to expect anyone to come to her party.
Lloyd: You callous bastard!

Malcolm: How's it going?
Cynthia: Oh, great. The party's a blast. Can't you hear it in there? What are you doing here, Malcolm?
Malcolm: You won't talk to me at school and you won't return my calls. I just want to say again that I'm sorry.
Cynthia: Fine. You want to alleviate your guilt? You are absolved.
Malcolm: Just let me finish. I'm not sorry that I told you the truth. You were just setting yourself up for a big disaster tonight if you went ahead with your party. I just... I wish I was nicer about it.
Cynthia: What's the nice way to tell someone they're a social retard?
Malcolm: So you see my problem. But what I didn't say is that even if you are a dork, you're also smart and funny and interesting and kind and a totally unique person, and if other people can't see that, that's their problem.
Cynthia: So, how'd you learn to deal with the whole school making fun of you?
Malcolm: The same way I deal with everything: I pretend it doesn't bother me and then lash out on people who don't deserve it. It seems to work.

Cooking Teacher: Reese, this is the best spinach quiche I've ever tasted. What gives it that extra something?
Reese: I put some allspice on the pine nuts before I toasted them.
Cooking Teacher: Allspice.
Reese: Yeah, it just seemed like it would balance out the ricotta.
Cooking Teacher: How extraordinary. [to another woman] How much salt did you use?
Woman #1: Just a pinch. [tastes her quiche] I did not put all of this salt in there.
Woman #2: Where do you keep your first aid kit? My husband's tongue is swelling up like a melon.
Man: I need a bathroom! [all groan and retch]
[Reese smiles and winks]

Lois: Dewey, go to your room.
Dewey: But Reese is the one who poisoned all those people.
Reese: Now!

Malcolm: [to camera] I guess Cynthia was right. If you invite people to a party, they'll show up.
Cynthia: [to a group of boys] Well, that sounds like fun, but I think I'm going to leave it unpierced for a while.

Malcolm: [looks at invitation] Cynthia, are you sure you want to sound so...?
Lloyd: Man, I wish I'd thought of this.
Cynthia: I know! It's going to be so great. I'm finally going to make some friends. What do you think, Malcolm?
Malcolm: It sounds great. It should be a... party.
Cynthia: Fingers crossed.
Dabney: Yeah.
Lloyd: Alright.

Eric: Sit down and listen to me! I am sick of this! It's been two days and you haven't done a lick of work. And I can't believe I let you drag me to that movie.
Francis: I know. I'm beginning to question the whole talking dog genre. You know what would get our mind off that movie? Another round of miniature golf!
Eric: No! No miniature golf. You have to get to work.
Francis: You're right. When you're right, you're right. Let's get to it.
Eric: These two books are on the war itself, so you can breeze through them 'cause your half of the project is on Reconstruction.
Francis: Okay. I have no idea what you're talking about. But I will 'cause I'm not leaving this room for the next ten hours.