Reese: I'll give you five dollars if you tell Mom you did it.
Malcolm: You tell her. You did it, 'cause I didn't do it. [to camera] I really didn't.
Reese: What are you eating?
Dewey: Nothing.
Malcolm: Why don't you guys shut up so I can think of something?
Reese: What's there to think of? There's nothing we can do. I've never seen Mom so mad.
Malcolm: Me either. [to camera] Reese is right. We're out of our league. There's only one person who ever had Mom this mad at them and survived.

Francis: [on the phone] She has your heads where?
Malcolm: Under the couch. All because Reese won't admit he did it.
Reese: You admit it.
Malcolm: I didn't do it.
Reese: Neither did I.
Malcolm: Liar.
Francis: Chill. You are not going to get anywhere fighting with each other. Now, first of all, you all burned the dress.
Malcolm: I didn't.
Francis: Hey, you all did it. You have to stay together. You have to stay united.

Francis: [on the phone] No one broke so far, so you should be proud of yourselves. Did she do the toy thing yet?
Malcolm: Yep.
Francis: Spinning?
Malcolm: Uh-uh.
Francis: Okay. Good. I think I know where she's going. Separate interviews. Listen, when she gets you alone, she's going to pretend she's on your side. She's not.

Lois: Well, I guess you boys think you've got your old mom over a barrel, huh? Well, we'll just see about that. If you boys want to play, we can play all night long.

Maitre'd: Sir?
Hal: Hmm? [takes telephone] Oh. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, can I have another vodka martini, please?
Maitre'd: Very good.
Hal: This time, let's go olive, onion, olive.
Maitre'd: Whatever.
[Hal dials the phone and gets a busy signal]

Reese: What's she doing?
Malcolm: Can't tell.
Reese: Maybe she left.
Malcolm: Yeah, I'm sure she's gone out to buy us all presents.
Dewey: Hooray.
Reese: It's just too quiet out there. It's driving me crazy.
Dewey: Maybe we should sing some more.
Reese: Shut up, Dewey.

Lois: Boys, I just, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to punish anyone. All I want is the truth. I don't know how things got this far, but I just want it to stop. Naw, they'll never buy it.

Francis: [on the phone] What are you doing? You're spending your anniversary at home fixating on a stupid dress. Is that what you wanted to do tonight?
Lois: What am I supposed to do, Francis? Let it go?
Francis: Yes. That is exactly what you should do. Let it go. But you can't, 'cause you can never let anything go.
Lois: [gasps] I can, too, let things go.
Francis: Fine.
Lois: I can.
Francis: Fine.
Lois: I can!
Francis: Okay. Forget I said anything.
Lois: I cannot talk to you anymore. Ooh, you make me so mad. Sometimes I just want to break your neck. [sighs] Did you get the cookies I sent you?
Francis: Yeah, they were great.
Lois: Good. [hangs up]