Francis: You were right about Lester. I checked him out. No wife, no kids. Poor guy didn't have a friend in the world.
[When Francis and Stanley walk into the abandoned room with Lester's body, it's filled with a group of rowdy, drunken students]
Francis: Did you tell anyone about this place?
Stanley: No.
Francis: Huh. Must've been me, then.

[Reese turns the page in his comic book]
Lois: Keep it down!
Reese: Huh?
Hal: Don't talk to her like that.
Lois: Why don't you both go sit in the corner?
Reese: There are no corners!

Mrs. Inkster: The matinee gets out at 4:00 so we should be back before dinner.
Malcolm: Okay. What do you want me to feed the kids for lunch?
Mr. Inkster: Whatever you want. We trust you.
Malcolm: [to camera] They trust me. People like this trust me. I obviously have to say something nice back to them. This is why my family sucks. I have no training in this. [to the Inksters] This job... me like.
Mrs. Inkster: Well, we're thrilled to have found you, Malcolm. The kids love you. You're great to have around. You've really become one of the family.

Francis: Like the ancient civilizations before us we send off this noble man with the riches he had in life so he may enjoy them in the afterlife.
[Stanley lights the boat on fire and Francis kicks it away from the shore]
Francis: Farewell, noble Lester. It's burning really fast. How much gas did you use?
Drew: Half a can.
Francis: Where'd you put the can? [explosion] Oh.
Stanley: Look. It's heading toward the boathouse. [explosion]
Francis: What do you think? Run?
Stanley: Yeah. I'd run. [all scatter]