Abe: Thanks for a wonderful night. You know what, I'm seriously thinking about dropping by my bank tomorrow, and asking that new teller for some penny rolls.
Hal: Hey, Mr. Hot Stuff. Save some for the other fellas. [both chuckle]

Kitty: I am so sorry for what I've done, just want to throw myself at Abe's feet and beg his forgiveness, but, it just seems impossible. Could you, find it in your hearts to, maybe talk to him for me?
Lois: Oh, Kitty. There's not a chance in the world I would ever do that for you.
Kitty: But I-
Lois: You abandoned your family. Do you have any idea of the pain and humiliation you have inflicted on that dear, sweet man and that poor innocent boy? I know you and I used to be friends, but what you have done is so creepy and evil, it doesn't get fixed with "I'm sorry". It just doesn't. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Abe: We need to talk.
Hal: What's going on?
Abe: Give me a second. I'm just so... agitated.
Lois: What's the matter?
Abe: Kitty came over last night.
Lois: Oh, Abe. Would you like some tea or something?
Abe: No, thank you. But I would like some clarification.
Lois: What?
Abe: Did you actually call the woman I love, "creepy" and "evil"?

Lois: Wait a minute. You're mad at me?
Hal: What happened, Abe?
Abe: Kitty and I talked all night long. She told me about everything. Every horrifying detail was covered. And by morning, we decided to try and make a go of it. Stevie's over the moon. The boy needs a mother. And lord knows I need a wife. So, in the future, Lois, I'd appreciate a bit more support and respect for my wife.
Lois: You're mad at me?! What, are you going to pretend that the last two years just didn't happen?
Abe: No, but I don't see the need for you to bring it up when you're not an affected party.

Lois: Abe, how can you be mad at me? I've been there for you, day after day, month after month through all the dinners, and the tearful phone conversations, the parent/teacher conferences for Stevie. For God's sake, Abe. I'm your friend.
Abe: Then I wish you'd start acting like one. And now if you'll excuse me. I have a wedding album I have to tape back together.

Lois: I thought you boys might like some chips and lemonade.
Stevie: No thanks. My creepy Mom... gave me juice.

[Reese walks out wearing a tank top and leg warmers around his lower legs with a towel around his pale midriff]
Reese: Well, I hit a little bump in the road. I totally forgot I wasn't sunburnt underneath my swimming suit.
Francis: Are you wearing legwarmers?
Reese: Anything worth doing, is worth doing right. [hands Francis the towel]

Reese: Can anyone help me? I can't reach this.
Malcolm: Get that thing out of here.
Reese: You're spending all this time with Stevie, helping him with his little wussy award, and you won't even help someone in your own family reach immortality?
Stevie: Move!
Malcolm: Wait, Guys!
Reese: Okay, okay. I see how it is. You want my dream to die!

Hal: You know, you don't have to go.
Lois: Oh, Hal. Stevie's a wonderful boy. I'm going to go and support him.
Hal: He doesn't want you there.
Lois: Well, that's too damn bad. I'm going to support him whether he wants it or not. They think I'm the one with the problem, and they are wrong, Hal. They are wrong. And I'm not going to let them get away with it.
Hal: I just think it's going to be a little uncomfortable.
Lois: Oh, I guarantee it's going to be uncomfortable. And if you do anything to make it any less uncomfortable, I will never forgive you.

Malcolm: I can't believe you brought that thing with you.
Reese: It has a name, Malcolm.