Abe: Listen, I don't want to step on Dewey's big day, here...
Dewey: Don't worry about it.
Abe: ...but I just can't keep the news to myself. Stevie has been chosen to receive a Teen Courtesy Award.
Hal: Whoa, this is fantastic, I don't know anyone who deserves it more. What is it?
Abe: The International Courtesy Association is awarding him a Gallant. That's the award they give to the youngster who best observes a Teen Courtesy Pledge, to be clean, quiet, polite and obedient.
Lois: Congratulations, Stevie.
Stevie: Thank you.
Abe: See? He can't turn it off. We are all very proud of you, Stevie.
Reese: I'd keep this Courtesy Award to myself. That crippled thing will only protect you so much.

Abe: The award dinner's on the 12th. We want you all to come. You've been so good to us through the difficulties. You've been just like family.
Lois: How's the divorce going, Abe? Have you been able to find Kitty?
Abe: No address, but when I searched the Internet, I found some interesting pictures of her. From what I could tell, she seems to have overcome her fear of meeting new people. Whoa, but hey, I'm looking forward. Why, just yesterday, this cute new teller at my bank started flirting with me.
Hal: Really?
Abe: Get this. She told me I forgot to date my check. Date, Hal.
Hal: Wow.

Francis: Okay, Dewey, since you're now officially old enough, today's the day we start your initiation into full brotherhood.
Dewey: Wow. Really?
Francis: Yep. Reese went through this, Malcolm went through this, and now, it is your turn.
Dewey: Neat, when do we start?
Francis: Right now. Get out of bed, and lie down on the Floor of Brotherhood. And give me the Pillow of Paternity.

Francis: Receive the mystic waters that unite us in fraternal bonds. [flushes toilet] For though we are divided by maternal evil, so shall we be.
[A wet Dewey, wearing swim goggles and holding a snorkel, pops his head up from the toilet]
Dewey: Okay, I found something down there.

Francis: Ok, Dewey. Eat up. You're going to need your nourishment if you're going to get through these next three days.
Dewey: You took three days off work to do this?
Francis: Quit stalling and suck ants.

Lois: It's not right, Hal. It's just not right. What business do they have being angry at me? Kitty ruined their life. She tore them apart. She tortured them for two years, and I'm the bad guy? I'm not the one with the S.T.D. named after me. I'm not the one who smuggled Lord knows what, in Lord knows where across the Turkish border. [Hal snores] Hal?
Hal: [wakes up] What? You're absolutely right, honey. You're absolutely right, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Lois: Hal, you're really not helping.
Hal: I'm sorry, Lois, but you sort of brought this on yourself. I mean, you should have known better than to say something bad about the girl after a guy breaks up with her. They always wind up getting back together.
Lois: This isn't Biff and Buffy breaking up before the high school dance. I just I don't understand how he could take her back.
Hal: He's in love with her. [Lois scoffs] And despite everything that's happened, he's still in love with her. I understand that. I would take you back if it happened to us.
Lois: Oh, you would not. How can you say that?
Hal: There's no life without you.
Lois: Oh, shut up and go to sleep.

Dewey: Aren't you a little old for this?
Francis: Prepare to drink from the Chalice of Brotherhood.
Dewey: Something smells horrible. Is that the drip pan?
Francis: You're not supposed to know.
Dewey: I'm not drinking from that. It's disgusting.
Francis: Yes, it is disgusting, but it must be done.
Dewey: Oh, man. [splutters as he drinks]
Francis: Awesome, Dewey. You did it!
Dewey: I'm done?
Francis: You passed with flying colors. You are now a Full Brother. Now I would like to present to you the Cookie of Brotherhood.
Dewey: That's it?
Francis: What do you mean?
Dewey: I did all that crap for a stupid cookie?
Francis: It's a meaningful cookie. It's a symbol of something really cool and special, you little ingrate.
Dewey: It's a symbol of what an idiot I am.
Francis: You know nothing of fraternity and sacred rituals. Give me back my cookie. [eats cookie]

Malcolm: And... save. I think this is going to work.
Stevie: Why is... your mom... so mean?
Malcolm: I guess when you find something you're really good at, you just stick with it.
Stevie: I'm glad... you understand... about my mom.
Malcolm: Why would you ever think that?
Stevie: What?
Malcolm: Stevie, I'm sure whatever my mom said was way too harsh, and totally unjustified. But your mom abandoned you guys. Don't you even care about all the crap she put you and your dad through? She shouldn't be able to just say "I'm sorry" and get away with it.
Stevie: This... conversation... is... over... right... now.

Lois: I'm sorry you guys are going to miss Stevie's award. Make sure you keep checking in on Dewey.
Francis: What did the doctor say?
Lois: It's weird. He said it's some kind of intestinal thing that people in third world countries get from drinking stagnant water.
Francis: Huh. That is weird.

Dewey: Where is Francis? He was supposed to be here for my party.
Malcolm: Oh, he called. There was a TV show he wanted to finish watching. He'll get here after your bedtime.