Dewey: I can see through that old lady's bra.
Malcolm: We've got to get out of here before we're scarred for life.

Lois: Reese, take these and go with your brother.
Reese: Mom, what are you doing? Why are you giving me a pink shirt? I don't wear pink. I've never worn pink.
Lois: That shirt is red.
Reese: If you have something to say, just come out and say it.
Lois: [sighs] For the love of God, I'll find you another one.
Karen Tracy: Excuse me. Wow, what happened to your face?
Reese: I slept on it wrong.
Karen Tracy: What do you mean?
Reese: Well, I'm sleeping like this, and then my knee went up into my elbow, and my elbow hit my hand and it went in my mouth, and no one hit me, okay?
Lois: I don't want to hear any more of your whining. You try this on right now, understood?!

Lois: Why are you standing here? You're wasting time.
Malcolm: I'm not changing out here in front of everybody. You know what? I don't even need new clothes. I'll just live off the lost and found at school. It's all better than this crap anyway.

Man: [to security guard] He was just an average-looking guy, but he had kind of crazy eyes. Is that helpful?
Hal: Sir, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me earlier. I'm really not that kind of person. I-I just think it was all the pressure of Valentine's Day, and I was so upset and irrational. But the bottom line is that I made a mistake and grabbed the wrong bag! [grabs other bag and runs off]