Otto: Ah, Francis, there you are. Oh, look at you tidying up.
Francis: Otto, we have to talk.
Otto: We will talk tomorrow. Come, I want to show you something.
Francis: No! Tomorrow I may be leading aerobics again or faking my way through a wine-tasting seminar or-or playing the prostitute in the Old West stunt show.
Otto: That was you!

Francis: The way you run this place, sometimes it's not being nice. It's- It's being careless and foolish.
Otto: Look. [chuckles]
Francis: Yes, it's a truck. Look, Otto, I don't want to leave you high and-
Otto: It is your truck.
Francis: What?
Otto: I saw it I thought of you. Your car blew up, yeah? I thought this would be a good thing for you.
Francis: You see, this is what I'm talking about. You are the best boss ever!
Otto: I wish I could tell you to take a few days and drive it someplace nice, but we're a little shorthanded.
Francis: I understand, believe me.
Otto: [laughs] Just kidding! Go. Take a week. Have fun.

Cynthia: Malcolm! Malcolm! What are you doing?
Malcolm: My dad has a hide-a-key. Here we go.
Lloyd: I don't want to be a stickler, but you don't have the right decal for this lot.
Cynthia: Malcolm, stop this. You don't have a license.
Malcolm: That's okay. I'm just going to crash into my mom's car.
Cynthia: This is crazy, Malcolm! This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Malcolm: No, it's not, it's smart. I just take this car and crash it into that car. Then I'll be in military school just like Francis was. It'll be paradise.
Stevie: Somebody... with feet... stop him!
Kevin: For the love of God, your shirttail's stuck in the door!
Dabney: Take me with you!

Reese: Stop! I won't let you do this! I would rather die than be left alone with Mom!
Malcolm: Get out of the way!
Reese: No! You can run me over. I don't care! [revving engine] [screams]

Hal: .4 miles to go.
Lois: Malcolm, if any big kids bother you, you go straight to your old teacher.
Malcolm: I'm not going to Mr. Herkabe for anything.
Hal: .2.
Lois: Why not? He's the new dean of discipline. Talk about having friends in high places.
Malcolm: He's not a friend, he's a psychopath. He's been out to get me since the day we met. He actually told me that.

Francis: I am so sorry. I'll have your horse ready in two minutes. We're a little shorthanded today. I had to help make breakfast. You'll be riding Sparky here. I'll get him saddled right up for you. Would you like a croissant while you wait?
Woman: Oh, sure.

Lois: [to a girl] Fill out both health forms and your emergency contact card. And feel free to button your top. Boys like a little mystery.

Francis: Okay, Angela comes back tomorrow. So she can cover for Todd on the nature hike and, that way, Todd can help out in the kitchen which will free up Sonja to do the hayride.
Otto: That is such a good plan.
Francis: Angela's vacation is over, right?
Otto: I extended it. It rained her first two days. [kisses] Kiss your mint.

Dewey: Hey, Malcolm.
Malcolm: I'm the fool! I'm the one who thought there was such a thing as kindness and decency in life!
Dewey: Okay.

Francis: Hi. You called for a massage?
Woman: Oh, yeah, yeah, come on in. Just set up right there. [goes into bathroom] This is so great. I hope you're good with lower back pain.
Francis: Uh, yeah. Absolutely. I specialize in vertebrae... sciatic... impactions of the back.
Woman: [returns] Oh, that sounds perfect! Happy anniversary, honey. I'm going to be in the salon.
Hairy Man: Take your time. [Francis gasps] Face up or face down?
Francis: Why, what are you going to do to me?
Hairy Man: The massage.
Francis: Oh, yeah.