Francis: Yeah, Dewey, you wouldn't want to be greedy. A greedy, conniving old lady who doesn't have a shred of decency in her entire body.
Ida: The hooligan talks of decency. [chuckles] How amusing.
Dewey: Why is that amusing?
Ida: None of your business.
Dewey: Okay.

Lawyer: And you understand everything I've explained to you about the deposition process?
Hal: [turns to the stenographer] Yes.
Lawyer: You don't have to do that.
Hal: [turns to the stenographer] Sorry.

Hal: And moreover, being of sound mind and body and with just cause... Wait. Strike that.
Lawyer: Sir, we just need you to state your name.

Malcolm: [glass shatters] I'm sorry I had to do that, but I had no other choice. I am still a member of this family, no matter how hard you're trying to forget it, and I deserve the right to know what's going on around here.
Lois: Malcolm, this does not concern you!
Malcolm: Yes, it does! There's something really weird happening in this house, and all I'm asking is for the courtesy of not being treated like an idiot.
Hal: Well, your evil grandmother is suing us!
Ida: Did you hear that? He called me evil. I want that on record.
Malcolm: Okay, so she's suing us. You don't have to keep that from me. It's horrible, but everything she does is horrible. There's no reason-
Hal: And your mother is pregnant.
Malcolm: Pregnant?! Are you nuts?! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! How could you do that to me, to all of us?! What the hell were you thinking?!

Lawyer: Maybe we should take a five-minute break.
Ida: I don't pay for breaks.

Ida: How much is she costing me? I'm not paying for your little tart of a girlfriend.

Lois: Mother, we need to talk.
Hal: Ida, we have no insurance. We were late on our payments, and they canceled us.
Lois: If you don't stop this lawsuit, we'll be ruined, do you understand?
Ida: I'm sure you'll manage somehow. There are agencies. Welfare. But who is there to help me, huh? Nobody.

Ida: Hello! This lawsuit isn't going to go away just 'cause you ignore me. [the lawyer closes his briefcase] Where do you think you're going?
Lawyer: I'm out of here. They have no insurance. What do you think, I'm going to take 40 percent of this rundown dump of a house?
Ida: 30 percent, and yes.
Lawyer: Let me explain something to you. This house would fit in my house as a garage, but then I'd have to park my Porsche in the driveway. Now, I don't mind tossing innocent people into the street. I just don't do it for free. [exits]
Ida: I think I feel well enough to travel.

Lois: [o.s.] Malcolm, I said come in for breakfast!
Malcolm: [to camera] Francis and Piama came to visit at the same time Grandma was here. Eight people, seven sleeping spaces. Guess who gets the shaft. This is my reward for being at the library when they asked for a volunteer.
Lois: [o.s.] Malcolm, this is your last chance!
Malcolm: I got to get in there. Breakfast has turned into the best part of the day.

Hal: Okay, Ida, I went ahead and did all your packing for you. Let's get a move on.
Ida: Bus doesn't leave for three hours.
Hal: Yeah, but, uh, there could be a parade. It could take us all day to get through the traffic.