Lois: Call when you get home, Mom.
Dewey: We'll miss you.
Ida: Even the little one lies.

Lois: Just use your tongue as leverage.
Ida: Enough! I had better food in refugee camp.

Malcolm: You're eating dinner? Nobody even called me!
Reese: What happened to your face?
Malcolm: An owl flew into my tent. If I knew I was missing dinner, I would have grabbed the snake out of his beak.

Francis: You know, my parents don't come home for another half an hour.
Piama: You're dreaming.
Francis: Come on! I'm going crazy. [kisses Piama's neck]
Piama: Okay.
Francis: Hey, guys, I'm going to go show Piama the posters in your room for a while.
Dewey: Have fun.
Reese: Good idea. [Francis and Piama exit]
Dewey: [sighs] I thought they'd never leave.
Reese: Tell me about it. [removes box from under couch] Okay, it's still good. I'll get the gift wrap. [removes car from pants] You write the card.

Piama: There's no lock?
Francis: With my brothers? They just got the door back a few months ago. [kisses Piama]
Piama: I don't know, Francis. This feels weird. In your brothers' bedroom.
Francis: No. This room is fine. I've had plenty of girls in here-
Piama: Quit while you're ahead.
Ida: [o.s.] That's good enough. No one's going to eat off it.
Francis: Okay, maybe not in here.

Lois: No, no, no, no, no, sorry, Malcolm. You can't come in right now.
Malcolm: What are you talking about? I live here.
Lois: Sorry, you just can't.
Malcolm: Now I can't even go into my own house? Why am I always the one singled out for abuse? Reese and Dewey are in there.
Lois: No, they're not. Francis and Piama took them miniature golfing.

Francis: Mom made me promise not to tell you. For some reason, she was trying to protect Grandma.
Malcolm: What does Grandma have to do with Mom being pregnant?
Piama: What, you're pregnant?
Dewey: No! [screams]
Francis: You're having another kid? What is wrong with you two?! You don't have enough problems as it is?!
Lois: I can't believe you boys. This is the way you react to wonderful news?! This is a blessing! You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Francis: I can't believe it. Another baby? They're nuts!
Reese: None of us gets enough of anything as it is. Now we're going to have to split it five ways?
Dewey: What are you guys complaining about? All I ever had was being the youngest. Now I won't even have that.
Malcolm: You guys don't get it. You're only looking at this in the short term. We're screwed for life. And I actually had some potential. I could have gone to college.
Piama: Listen to you guys. Nice family this kid is going to be born into.
Malcolm: Hey, we're allowed to be upset. We're the ones getting left out while every resource this family has is going to our baby brother.
Dewey: Brother?

Reese: Mom, Dad, we just want to tell you that we were sorry for the way we acted about the baby.
Malcolm: Yeah. We figured it out. Reese and I can double up in the bed again.
Dewey: And I could sleep with the baby. It'll be fun having a busy box again.
Francis: Yeah, and I could probably send home 30 bucks a week to help out.
Lois: Thank you, boys.

Malcolm: [to camera] Francis and Grandma are finally gone, and everything's back to normal. Well, not exactly normal. Dad told us that during the first trimester of pregnancy, women sometimes get a tiny bit hormonal.
Hal: Quick, boys! Someone left the cap off the toothpaste! [boys scream]