Stevie: Thank God... summer's over.
Reese: [leans over the wall] Hello, babies. How's baby school, babies?
Malcolm: Didn't high school start a half hour ago?
Reese: Hey, if I'm on time they'll expect it every day.
Dabney: Ow! Ow! Ow! Hi, Reese. This is Gus. He's in the lead to replace you as school bully. He gives a wedgie that'll knock your socks off. I'm not just saying that cos he's got me in a head lock.
Reese: Grab your wrist and stave your fingers. You'll get better leverage.
Lloyd: You listen to him. He's the man.

Francis: Thanks for the ride.
Woman: Are you sure about this Alaska thing?
Francis: Oh, absolutely.
Woman: I don't know. I heard Alaska's supposed to be a hole.
Francis: Are you kidding? Cruise ships go there!
Woman: Only for, like, six weeks in the summer. Isn't it dark there for the rest of the year?
Francis: I don't have to justify myself to you. I don't have to justify myself to anyone. That's why I got emancipated, OK?
Woman: OK. Good luck with your parents.
Francis: Yeah, well, they had a week to think about it. Let's see how they take it.
[Hal comes charging out of the house and runs towards Francis. Francis panics and starts to run.]
Hal: You! You! You ungrateful son of a-
Francis: This wasn't meant to hurt you!

Stevie: What... a jerk.
Lloyd: Is that what we're gonna turn out like? If I ever start acting like that you have to promise to kill me.
Dabney: No! No more death pacts.

Reese: Oh, my God! High school is awesome! They have an entire room just for detention. They put you in with juniors and seniors. Some of them have records. It's really inspiring.

Lois: Whose shoes are these? Who left their shoes in the living-room?
Reese: Those are mine. I'm sorry.
Lois: You're right, you're sorry! Leaving your shoes around like- Live you don't even care about them! I hope you like walking to school in your socks!
Reese: I said I'm sorry.
Lois: Well, I've heard sorry before!
Reese: I don't think so.
Lois: OK. [empties basket of toys] I tell you what we're gonna do. From now on when you wanna wear shoes you check them out. [puts shoes in basket] Sign them in. Sign them out. Just like a library. Clean up those toys!

Malcolm: Come on, guys. If we don't let the rankings get to us they mean nothing!
Dabney: Easy for you to say, number one.
Malcolm: I have a name! We all have names!
Lloyd: Oh, my God! I can't remember mine!
Malcolm: This is ridiculous! School used to be the one place where you were happy and Herkabe has taken that away from you. That stupid board is ruining our lives! We can't let him do that!
Stevie: What choice... do we have?
Malcolm: We have the choice that people have had for centuries. We can choose to fail.
Dabney: Like the French?

Stevie: You mean... we tank... today's test?
Malcolm: No, we don't tank it, we nuke it! Every answer wrong! No complete sentences! No punctuation! And we use number three pencils. [all gasp]
Kevin: You can't rank zeroes.
Lloyd: That's brilliant!
Dabney: He'll have no choice but to throw out his system.
Lloyd: We'll be free! [all cheer]

Kevin: Sorry.
Lloyd: I'm sorry.
Dabney: I tried. My hand wouldn't let me.
Stevie: I regret... nothing!

[When Lois returns to her car and finds a flat tire, she opens the back to get the spare. Francis appears from behind the car.]
Francis: Don't worry, I just let the air out. We can talk while I put on your spare. Look, I'm sorry I had to resort to this, but you have to give me five minutes so we can talk. [Lois gets in the car and turns on the radio] We can talk over the music. [Lois starts the car] You can't drive on a flat! You're gonna ruin your rims! [tires screech] That was a red light!

Kevin: [to Herkabe] You might want to notice my entire opening paragraph is a palindrome.
Lloyd: [to Herkabe] You might want to notice my formatting.
[Malcolm slams his paper down on the table]
Mr. Herkabe: What's this?
Malcolm: A study of irrigation techniques of pre-Roman society and how they led to the advancement of Western civilization.
Lloyd: I thought we were just studying Mesopotamian farming.
Mr. Herkabe: We were.
Malcolm: I just used that as a jumping off point. I saw how their influences spread through the Egyptians, the Carthaginians, basically through the whole ancient world. I think you'll be happy with this paper.
Mr. Herkabe: Very nice, number 12. It's nice to see a little effort put forth while some are content to do the absolute minimum.
Stevie: So, he wants... to play.
Kevin: Ho-ho, we'll play, alright.
Lloyd: What is it we're playing?