Malcolm: They put you in with the Buseys?!
Dewey: Yeah, it's real interesting. Today, we learned about our greatest enemies, Mr. Matches and Mr. Talk-Out-Of-Turn. Oh, and I also got to see a crane lower a flight simulator into the Krelboyne class.
Malcolm: Oh, my God! Does Mom know?
Dewey: You're still alive, so no.
Malcolm: I'm so sorry. I swear I'll fix this. Just don't tell Mom. Please, please don't tell Mom.
Dewey: You know, I like the begging, but it needs something. [Malcolm gets down on his knees] Better, but... still not enough.
[Malcolm hears a car pull into the driveway]
Malcolm: Dewey, this is my paycheck. There's $98.00 here. I will give you everything I make until you get out of that class.

Lois: Hal?
Craig: Uh-oh. Here comes Yoko.
Lois: It's 5:00 in the morning. You've been up all night.
Hal: Honey, I know you think this is silly and that I've just gone off the deep end again, but this isn't like the other times. I have a gift, Lois, and it would be wrong for me to turn my back on that.
Lois: Right. I see we've entered phase two. Which is fine, as long as you follow the rules. You have to go to work. You have to eat. You cannot involve the children.
Hal: And you're freezing the joint account.
Lois: Did it last week. Good night, Fred. Ginger.
Craig: I thought it was Fred and Barney.

Craig: Here comes the pencil turn. I can't watch.
Lois: On any other man that would look ridiculous.
Craig: We've lost him, Lois. He belongs to everyone now.

Hansen: Mr. Sheridan, why do motorcycles sound different when they're coming than when they're going away?
Mr. Sheridan: Hansen, I'm trying to eat my lunch. By the time I explained it to you, you would have forgotten the question anyway.
Dewey: I think my brother Malcolm told me about that last summer. "It's called the Doppler Effect, Dewey. Both sound and light travel at a constant speed, but their wavelengths get shorter or longer depending on whether they're moving towards you or away from you. Now put some pants on, you little freak." My imaginary friends are right! I am a genius! So basically, what it means is that the sound waves from a motorcycle move away from it at the same speed in all directions. But if it's coming towards you, then the sound waves get stacked closer and closer together, so the frequency goes up and the sound gets higher. Do you understand?
Hansen: Yeah, I do.
Dewey: Oh, my God! I learned something. I learned something! I learned something! I learned something! I learned something!
Mr. Sheridan: Hansen...
Hansen: I learned something!
Mr. Sheridan: Maybe you shouldn't learn things if you're going to be so disruptive. Now sit down and be quiet.
Dewey: Everyone who hates this, follow me. [kids follow Dewey]

Malcolm: [climbs through window] Okay, Dewey, I have a new, much better plan. I broke into the principal's office and created a second, fictional Dewey, who lives in another district. I still have to hack into the school mainframe, but all you have to do is pretend you're dead for two days. Then we're back in business.
Dewey: That sounds great. Mom, Malcolm gave me the wrong answers to the Krelboyne test. I've been in the emotionally disturbed class for two weeks. Well, I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about.

Reese: Dewey, Dewey, guess what? I finally figured out what kind of genius I am. [punches Dewey to the ground] There it was, just staring me in the face. Aw, come on, Dewey, please stay awake. I've got so much to show you.

Hal: Craig?
Craig: Oh, hi, Hal.
Hal: What're you doing?
Craig: Just protecting my high score. It's cheaper than a gym. And no shower bullies.
Hal: You're great.
Craig: Well, I'm kind of a legend around here.
Manager: You're staying out of the ball pit, right, Feldspar?
Craig: Yes, sir. You were quite clear on that.

Lois: Oh, God. Just got him to stop the ice sculpting. [to Jamie] Well, it looks like it's going to be just you and me for the next month, sweetie.

Hal: I'm doing it! And it only took all my lunch breaks and $200 worth of quarters!

Dewey: I'm emotionally disturbed?!
Mrs. Welsh: Oh, we don't use those terms. This isn't about labeling. A blue folder with an asterisk next to your name just means that you get a little more special help than other kids. Hey, Bill. This one's named Dewey.
Kids: Dewey, Dewey, Dewey.
Mr. Sheridan: Okay. There's no yelling, no kicking, no hitting, no physical touching of any kind. You are allowed to cry, if you do it quietly. Find a seat wherever you can.