Future Ted: [v.o.] The night was doing great. Amy was cool and dangerous. She found a friend for Barney. She even paid for drinks. [Amy steals liquor from behind the bar] Sort of.
Barney: They know us here! You're gonna get us in trouble.
Amy: Tell me something. Do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in the crotch for your huge vagina?
Barney: You... Your vagina. Ted, this chick is crazy. We're leaving.
Amy: Good idea. Let's all go back to my place.
Barney: Your place? Thanks, but no thanks, 1994 Courtney Love.
Amy: I have a hot tub.
[cut to the four of them in a hot tub:]
Barney: Okay, this place is actually pretty nice.

Ted: I like your tatts.
Amy: Thanks. You can play with them if you want. They're a hundred percent real.
Ted: No, your tatts. Your toos. Your tattoos.
Amy: Oh, thanks. You should get one.
Barney: Wrong. Ted has a classic clean-cut look that never goes out of style season after season, burn!
Amy: Yeah? Well. I think he would look hot with some ink.
Barney: No, he wouldn't.
Amy: Yes, he would.
Barney: No, he wouldn't.
Amy: Yuh-huh.
Barney: Nuh-uh.
Woman: I'm ready to do anything you want by the way. Anything. Right now.
Barney: Ted. Who are you gonna side with on this tattoos thing?

Amy: Sorry. I used to nanny for those jerks before they fired me. So unfair.
Barney: Unfair? I wouldn't let you take care of the imaginary kids I make up to score with single moms.

Barney: That's it Ted, we're going home. Ted? Ted, you okay?
[fantasy scene:]
Gael: Hello, Ted. Robin and I are about to make fantastic aquatic sex on this windsurfing board.
Robin: And I just want to make sure you're okay with this. [both laugh] Okay, how do we do this?
Gael: I think your leg goes up, up...

Ted: And underneath, it should say "I win". And then it should have flames coming out the bottom.
Amy: Oh, fire. We should start a fire.
Ted: After this maybe. Oh, man, this is going to be legen... wait for it...
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's all I remember. The next morning, I woke up alone back home.
[Ted wakes up and inspects his body. Ted doesn't have a tattoo on his arms of chests, so he breathes a sigh of relief. As he gets up and goes to the bathroom, we can see a butterfly tattoo across the small of his back]

Marshall: Hey, buddy, how was your night?
Ted: You know, it was great. I met this crazy girl, I almost got a tattoo. Don't worry, I didn't. But it was... It was amazing. I think it's safe to say, I am winning this breakup.
[Lily points out Ted's tattoo to Marshall]
Lily: Look.
Marshall: Oh, my God!
Ted: What?
Marshall: Nothing. This J. Crew catalog. Who brings two golden retrievers in a canoe?

Barney: Hey, guys, what's the big emergency? Oh and B the W, I am never speaking to Ted again.
Lily: Hum. Really, never? Not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass?
Barney: What?
Marshall: [clears throat] Hum. Ted? Could you grab me the fondue pot?
[Ted, who is now wearing a t-shirt, reaches up to get a pot from the high shelf. His t-shirt rides up to reveal his butterfly tattoo]
Marshall: [to Barney] He has no idea. [Barney faints] And up we go.

Barney: I came here this morning because... I want to apologize.
Ted: Apology accepted, Barney. As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter.
Barney: See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now.
Ted: Hmm.
Barney: Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night, you burst out of that cocoon, like a majestic, uh... Gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science.
Lily: He's gonna say it.
Ted: A butterfly? [everyone laughs] What?
Barney: Nothing, buddy.

Future Ted: And suddenly it all came back to me.
[Flashback to the night before at the tattoo parlor:]
Ted: ... dary. Legendary! Man, I am so winning this breakup.
Amy: Mm, I just broke up with my boyfriend Steve. He was totally annoying. He was like, "I think you're the one, I want to marry you."
Ted: What a wuss. Do you think exes can be friends?
Amy: Yeah. Sure, I mean, we're still friends, right Steve?
Ted: Hey, your name is Steve. And her ex-boyfriend's name is Steve. What are the odds of that...? Wait.

[Ted grabs Barneys bottle of water]
Barney: Oh, yeah, that'll get it out.
Marshall: Maybe you should try club soda.
Ted: Oh, damn it, it really hurts. I need like, some ointment or something. What is this? Spanish massage oil. Spanish massage oil? What happened here last night?
Marshall: Last night got weird.