Marshall: You know what, excuse me if I don't wanna get married barefoot in the woods next to Lake No-One's-Gonna-Drive-That-Far. Yes, I want a ballroom and I want a band and I want shoes. I've been dreaming about this day since I was like...
Lily: A little girl?

Future Ted: [v.o.] OK, I wasn't going to say it in front of the guys but back then I really thought that's how it worked. You put yourself and a girl you like in some romantic setting. The stars line up and shazam. I know now that life is never that simple.

Ted: I'm so excited.
Claudia: You should be, lots of single girls.
Ted: Oh, well, yeah, I'm bringing a date, so I'll be off the market.
Claudia: What?
Ted: I'm bringing a date.
Claudia: You're not bringing a date.
Ted: Uh, yes I am.
Claudia: Uh, no you're not.
Ted: I checked 'plus one'.
Claudia: No, you didn't.
Ted: Claudia, I'm pretty sure I checked...
Claudia: [grabs Ted] Ted, you did not check 'plus one', you are not bringing a date to my wedding.

Ted: But I already invited someone.
Claudia: You are not bringing a guest, Ted. The guest list has been closed for months. Months!
Ted: But I checked 'plus one'. I always check 'plus one'.
Claudia: You absolutely did not check 'plus one'. If you had checked 'plus one', I would have called you to get the name of your guest so I could get the guest cards printed up. Did I call you to get the name of your guest? Is there a place card with her name card printed on it?
Ted: She doesn't need a place card, she knows her name.
Claudia: What's she eating? You ordered the chicken, what did she order? Do you see how your story is full of holes?
Ted: Come on, Claudia, we go way back. Isn't there room for just one more person?
Claudia: Don't make me hurt you, Ted.

Ted: I totally checked 'plus one', I'm sure I did.
Barney: Yeah, right.
Ted: I did.
Barney: Yeah, I don't think you did. You know why? Because deep down, you didn't want to show up at this thing with a date. See, for all your big talk about being ready for a relationship, deep down you're single. It's your default setting. Ted, you know what's in the back of your brain?
Ted: Oh great, here comes the "little Barney" speech.
Barney: Behind a curtain, in a dark little room, secretly controlling your every move...
Ted & Marshall: A little Barney.
Barney: A little Barney. And you know what he said? [cartoonish voice] "Ted, you will bring no dates to this wedding. You will hit on drunk bridesmaids with actual-size Barney."

Claudia: Maybe we got together too young. Maybe that's what the problem was. I mean, I'm 28 years old. I've really only been with one man.
Barney: That's just... That's.... Two more vodka cranberries, please!
Barney: Claudia, it's all gonna be OK.
Claudia: Thanks for listening, Barney. Really means a lot to me.
Barney: Isn't it weird that we should run into each other like this? Two souls of equal levels of attractiveness, both fitting together like two pieces of a very attractive puzzle.
Lily: [enters] Oh, hell no. [grabs Barney by the ear]

Ted: So, where did we land on the whole 'plus one' thing?
[Claudia lunges at Ted]
Future Ted: [v.o.] It took three more vodka cranberries to subdue Claudia but eventually she graciously agreed to let me bring Robin.

Robin: [answers phone] Hello. Oh my God, tonight? You're kidding. [to Ted] They want me to anchor the news tonight. [on the phone] Really? Like, anchor anchor? What happened to Sandy? Okay, okay, sure. What time do you need me to...? Right now? Oh.
Ted: Do it. Do it.
Robin: Okay, I need like five minutes to change and um, I'll call you from the cab...

Marshall: So, admit it, this wedding is both indoors and amazing.
Lily: I'll give you the crab puffs. The crab puffs are good.
Marshall: Crab puffs were incredible.
Lily: We should totally have them at our wedding.
Marshall: Definitely. Hey, we just agreed on something.
Lily: Did we just start planning our wedding?
Marshall: I think we did.

Robin: [on TV] Coming up, are there snakes living in your walls? The answer may surprise you, after the break.