Lily: Okay, have you guys noticed Barney's been acting weird lately?
Ted: Actually, yes. You know how he always says never buy a girl flowers, 'cause giving her a living thing reminds her babies?
Robin: Sure.
Ted: Well, the other day, I saw him at that flower shop on 82nd buying roses.
Robin: What?
Marshall: Now that you mention it, Barney did do something kind of odd at the office yesterday.
[flashback to Marshall walking into Barney's office as he's on the phone:]
Barney: [over headset] Okay, see you Saturday. I'm thinking brunch, farmer's market, maybe a hike. I love you, too. Bye.
[present:]
Marshall: I figured he was just talking to some girl he was trying to nail. Or Ted, but now I don't know.

Lily: Wait, do you think it's possible that Barney Stinson has a girlfriend?
Barney: Later.
Lily: Wait, Barney, hold on. Where are you going?
Barney: Nowhere. The beach. It's winter. Laser Tag. Home. Shut up. You're going somewhere.

Barney: What the hell are you guys doing here?
Lily: Where is she?
Barney: Who?
Lily: Your girlfriend.
Loretta: Ooh, hello.
Lily: Wow, you really don't have a type, do you?

Margaret: Wow, you really know your theater.
Ted: Lady Theater grabbed my heart early on and she never let go. Every year at Christmas, I'd put on a little play for the parents with all the other kids.
[flashback to a young kid performing:]
Boy: Gee whiz, Santa, do you think we can take off in this kind of snow?
Early 20s Ted: Cut! Cut! Cut! Ricky! Grandma and Grandpa are gonna be here in half an hour, and you're still butchering my words. Looks like I'm gonna have to write, direct and star in this thing. Give me your elf hat. Go sit.

Marshall: You have to tell your mom the truth, okay? Listen, she is a sweet, caring, slightly too graphic woman
who deserves better.
Barney: No way. The truth would kill her.
Marshall: I don't feel right about lying to such a kindhearted woman, okay? She reminds me of my own mother.
Lily: [scoffs]
Marshall: What?
Lily: Kindhearted? Remember in our wedding vows when I said we'd be together forever? Well, on our way back up the aisle, your mother leaned in and she said, "Not forever, sweetie. Marshall's going to heaven."

Lily: She hates me, Marshall. But that's okay because... Never mind.
Marshall: No. What? What were you gonna say?
Lily: Nothing. Hey, do you want to go do it in Barney's childhood bedroom again?
Barney: On the race car bed?
Marshall: Handles great, buddy.

Marshall: Look, Lily, if today has taught us nothing else, it's that honesty is important when it comes to family. Now, whatever you're feeling towards my mother, we've been together for 12 years, baby. I think that I can handle it.
Lily: Really?
Marshall: Yeah.
Lily: Okay. I hate your mom.
Marshall: Well, guess what? I hate you!

Loretta: Okay, I'm gonna grab some ice cream from the freezer downstairs and then we'll all hit the sundae bar in the kitchen.
Barney: Wow. [slow clapping] Not a weak link in that scene. [looking at Grant] Bravo.
Robin: Back off, Barney. You have no idea how hard it is to do a job that's beneath you. Grant, I really enjoyed your thing about the dinosaur bones.

Barney: Just go eat your sundae.
Grant: I can't. I'm lactose-intolerant.
Barney: Well, guess who's not lactose-intolerant? Tyler. Tyler is gonna go in there and enjoy every last bite.
Loretta: Ice cream time, gang.
Barney: Yummers!

Barney: Mom, can you give us a sec?
Loretta: Oh, okay. There's chocolate and butterscotch. [leaving]
Barney: Okay, just...
Loretta: There are various kinds of sprinkles and marshmallows.