Lily: How do you even know there's gonna be mention of Dishwalla on those tapes?
Ted: I don't. And it may take me days to go through them all, but that is how committed I am to the truth.
Lily: [on Ted's video] Hey, you guys should check out that song by the band Dishwalla.
Ted: [on Ted's video] Really? I've never heard of them.
Ted: Damn it!

Robin: [on phone] Hey, Larry, how's everything at the Beaver Dam?
Barney: I don't even know that strip club.
Robin: Oh, it's not a club. My cousin Larry is a forest ranger in Squamish.

[on Ted's video diary:]
Ted: What is Generation X? What does the X in "Generation X" stand for? What do we stand for? Why aren't people on campus talking about this?
Man: Maybe you should do a radio show and call yourself Dr. X.
Ted: I just had an amazing idea.

Lily: Just turn it off!
Ted: I can't look away. Oh, God, no. Oh, God, I'm putting on a beret. You were there. Why didn't you tell me that looked stupid?
Lily: [on tape] Ted, that beret looks stupid.
Ted: [on tape] I look magnifique!

Honeywell: You went undergrad to Holy Cross? That's my alma mater.
Brad: I went there on a basketball scholarship.
Honeywell: No way. I played center.
Marshall: Uh-oh.
Honeywell: Why is that so shocking?
Brad: 'Cause you're, like, an itty-bitty fella.
Marshall: Hey... fish, huh? Fish are crazy, right? You guys ever think about fish?
Honeywell: I am six-foot one, sir.
Brad: Bro, I'm at least a foot taller than you.
Honeywell: Well, then I guess that makes you a freakish seven-foot one.
Marshall: What do you call fish with no eyes? "Fsh".
Honeywell: I am six-feet and one inch, and I'll prove it. Eriksen. How tall are you?
Marshall: Seven feet.

Barney: So, we've got a deal somewhere?
Robin: We sure do. You are the new face of, and exclusive customer to... Golden Oldies!
Barney: What? I thought we ruled them out!
Robin: [high-pitched] I don't remember that! Now let's go. It is 4:00, and their dinner show starts in ten minutes.
Barney: Wait a minute. Is that a Rolex?
Robin: Huh. What do you know? How did that get there? Anyway, so initial here and...
Barney: Where'd you get the bling, Robin?
Robin: Uh...
Barney: They bribed you. They bribed you! Why else would you pick a place where the strippers say they're trying to put their grandkids through college?

Honeywell: Say it, you giant beast! Say I'm six-one!
Brad: Maybe if you stood on top of that pot of gold you have at the end of your rainbow.
Honeywell: You know something? You're nothing but a... a tree man! I never want to see you again, tree man!
Brad: Fine. I have to go to the little boys' room. Not your office. I need to take a dump.
Honeywell: If that's the type of guy you vouch for, I can't trust your judgment. You're off the Gruber Pharmaceutical case.

Ted: Oh, good, we're up to the time I got my ear pierced.
Ted: [on tape] Do it, do it, do it, do it. Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't, don't. Okay, do it now. Do, do, do it, do it. Don't, don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't! Yes, you can do this. You can...
Ted: That goes on for 45 minutes.

Lily: Hey, how was work, baby?
Marshall: Remember how I always wanted to know what it was like to be a ghost? Well, I don't want that anymore.
[flashback to Marshall at work, standing behind the glass doors of the conference room:]
Honeywell: Okay, suppose we lead with the carbon testing of the residue water. How do we keep the jury engaged? Anyone?
Marshall: [opens door] You could bring up the survey from Dr. Pasquesi's testimony.
Honeywell: Anyone? Anyone who isn't dead to me?

Lily: Then you have to earn Honeywell's trust back. Just start small. Put your stamp on little things that have nothing to do with work. Like a funny video.
Ted: I... I may have something.
[flash-forward to Marshall playing Ted's video:]
Ted: [on video] Don't think, Mosby! Do it now! Oh, my God, I'm doing it!
Honeywell: Wow, he's a real bleeder!
[flash-forward:]
Lily: [v.o.] And then you build to something else small, like a tasty snack.
Marshall: Don't sleep on the popcorn. Try mixing the caramel and the cheese. It shouldn't work, but... it... does.
Honeywell: There's no way caramel and cheese... That's good! That is good. Oh!
[flash-foward:]
Lily: [v.o.] And when Honeywell starts trusting your stamp again, he'll seek out your opinion on things.
Honeywell: Be honest, Eriksen. Is this deep-V working?
Lily: [v.o.] And that's when you lie your ass off.
Marshall: Sir, I think you could go even deeper.
[flash-forward:]
Lily: [v.o.] And before you know it...
Honeywell: Eriksen, get in here. you're back on the case.