Ted: That's why I have to nail this toast.
Barney: Ted, you want to nail something at this wedding, lose the Trapper Keeper. The only thing you need to bring to Cleveland is this.
Future Ted: [v.o.] That fall I became the youngest architect in the history of New York to break ground on a skyscraper. Which led to a glowing magazine feature. I planned on having it framed. Uncle Barney had different plans.
Barney: Here's your toast: "Single file, ladies. No fatties".
Ted: That's ridiculous.
Barney: Yeah, you're right. It's Cleveland. "Single file, ladies".

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now Lily and Marshall had just found out they were having a baby.
Marshall: I can't wait to tell everyone.
Lily: Baby, no, we can't tell anyone. Not until three months. I don't want to jinx it.
Marshall: That's a bit superstitious, don't you think?
Lily: Whenever we board a flight, you lick the plane.
Marshall: Have we crashed even once?

Lily: Admit it, you still have feelings for Barney.
Robin: You are drunker than I thought. [scoffs] I mean, look at the guy.
Barney: [to a woman] Wait, wait, wait. Before you go, please answer the following survey to help me better bang you in the future. What didn't work for you about this play? Did you A) not believe I was a Guinness Book world record holder? or B) did the fingernails gross you out?

Barney: Take it. Show them how awesome you are. Shamelessly plug yourself, so you can shamelessly plug, let's say... that.

Robin: Barney and I tried and failed. That was two years ago. Why would I ever go down that road again? It wouldn't even make sense.
Lily: It doesn't have to make sense. It's chemistry. Look, I've always had a sixth sense about these things. And now that I'm pregnant... with this idea in my mind-uterus, I see things even clearer. You and Barney have the kind of chemistry that just doesn't go away.

Barney: Did this not work for you because A) vampires are played out, or B) claiming that I also invented Facebook was kind of a hat on a hat?

Ted: No, I got that, Barney.
Barney: I wonder if this whole thing's a disaster. What if this is the worst wedding ever?
Ted: Not possible. We've already been to the worst wedding ever.
Barney: Punchy's wedding.
Ted: Marshall really took a two flusher on that one.
Future Ted: [v.o.] The story of how Uncle Marshall ruined my friend Punchy's wedding starts in September, 2011. Punchy had asked me to be his best man.

Marshall: Whoa.
Ted: There's a few different versions.
Robin: Ted, why are you working so hard on this toast? Punchy belched his proposal through a karaoke mic at a bowling alley.

Robin: Barney, he doesn't need dating advice from you. You never even called Nora. Or did you call her? Not that I care. Did you? I don't care. Did you?
Barney: I haven't called her.
Ted: Buddy.
Robin: Damn it, Barney. I was really, really, really rooting for you two. Who wants hot wings?

Lily: I'm in. Or maybe we should just pour hot sauce on Barney, since he's a total chicken.
Barney: I did not chicken out. Nora is looking for something serious. I'm not. End of story. And yes, Robin, I would
love some wings.
Lily: Cannibal.