Marshall: I'm just so happy. I don't know how we're going to keep this secret for three months.
Lily: Relax. It'll be easy.
Carl: What'll you have?
Lily: Four beers, plus one non-alcoholic.
Carl: You're pregnant! Get in here!

Robin: You're trying to get laid here?
Barney: What?
Robin: God, Barney, tonight is a magical night between Ted's annoying friend and what's-her-face. Have some respect.

Punchy: Who's doing shots? Come on, let's go.
Lily: Oh, no, thank you.
Punchy: What are you pregnant or something?
Lily: Let's get hammered! [to Marshall] You're drinking for two tonight, baby.
Marshall: I will do this for the child.

Ted: I told you, I'm not here to brag, okay?
Marshall: [slurred] That's it. You're too polite to brag. Well, fine. Let me. Because the only person on Earth who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is drunk Marshall Eriksen. So game on.

Barney: Nora's finally calling me back.
Robin: Wait, you said you never called her.
Barney: I lied. I called her, like, five times. Wait, wait! You of all people know how much I suck at these things.
You gotta help me. Please? Just once I would like to see what it feels like to not screw things up.
Robin: Yeah, mm-hmm. Okay.
Barney: [answers phone] Hey, Nora. Thanks for calling me back. Um, hey, hi. The- The- Tthe reason that, um, I called is, uh...
Robin: To tell you how I feel about you.
Barney: ...to tell you how I feel about you.
Robin: I know we didn't work out the first time...
Barney: I know we didn't work out the first time...
Robin: ...and I know it doesn't make any sense...
Barney: ...and I know it doesn't make any sense...
Robin: ...but I can't shake the feeling that we belong together.
Barney: ...but I can't shake this feeling that we belong together.
Robin: Is there any part of you that wants to try again?
Barney: Is there any part of you that wants to try again?
[Barney gives Robin a thumbs up]

Marshall: Baby, I can't take it anymore. I've gotta tell somebody that we're pregnant.
Lily: Eriksen, stay strong. We're keeping this secret.
Marshall: There's babies everywhere. It's like a minefield of cuteness. Look at this little bastard.
Lily: Marshall, stop it. Stay strong. You can't let holding some, some little baby... [takes the baby] Oh, with the cute little cheeks and the... the little arms and little legs. This son of a bitch has knee dimples. Let's go tell everyone I'm pregnant.

Ted: You okay?
Robin: Nope. You?
Ted: Not excessively. You want to talk about it?
Robin: Not even a little.
Ted: Might make you feel better.
Robin: Okay, fine, I'll make you a deal: you go first, and then I'll stick with my thing about not talking about it.
Ted: Okay. All my friends from high school, they're here with their wives, their kids. Me? My date for the night is a sticky magazine.
Robin: Sounds like high school all over again. Sorry, it was right there.

Ted: Hey, we still have our 40 deal, right? If we're both still single at 40...
Robin: I'm all yours.
Ted: Hmm
Robin: Unrelated, do architects make big money?
Ted: Aggressively medium money.
Robin: Damn it.

Ted: [sobbing] We're here tonight to celebrate love. Love brings us new life... [The people at the Finnish table laugh]
Marshall: Hey! This isn't a meltdown. These are tears of joy. Ted is happy for his friends 'cause he's the best guy that I know. And do you know why he's happy? Because this beautiful lady right here is pregnant.
Kelly: How did you know that?! That was supposed to be a secret!

Kelly's father: How dare you. That's my daughter, you piece of garbage.
Punchy: You're still gonna pay for all this, right?
Punchy's father: "Piece of garbage"? That's my son.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that is how Marshall destroyed Punchy's wedding. But we didn't care. There was gonna be a sixth member of our little family.