Ted: Well, you were right. Victoria says something's holding us back, and I don't have any idea what it is. Any brilliant insights, Oprah? Steadman?
Marshall: Um, try Gayle.

Ted: Victoria. Will you marry me?
Victoria: Yes, of course. There's just one thing.
Ted: Anything. You name it.
Victoria: You can't be friends with Robin.

Ted: You won't marry me if I'm still friends with Robin? Wait. She's the thing that's been holding us back?
Victoria: There- There's just too much history there. I mean, Robin's the reason that we broke up the first time
around. Robin's our roadblock. Robin's the deep, dark pit where our relationship goes to die. But nicest girl in the world. Salt of the earth.
Ted: But she's with Nick now. I mean, sure, his cooking show is lousy with awkward catchphrase attempts.
[flashbacks:]
Nick: Oh, my gosh, who's ready to nosh?
Nick: Who's popping a chub for some grub?
Nick: I offer my deepest apologies to anyone who was offended by my "popping a chub" remark. I can and will do better. Won't happen again. And now who's ready to eat my meat? Oh, come on.

Ted: But Robin's happy with Nick, and I'm happy with you. Look, I, I just asked you to be my wife. Isn't that proof there's nothing between me and Robin?
Victoria: Well, maybe today there isn't, but what about tomorrow? Or next week or 15 years from now? I'll always be wondering. I never wanted to be that girl who says it's Robin or it's me, but, well...
Ted: It's Robin or it's you.

Barney: Anyway, let's not make a big deal of it. We hung out for a few days, had some fun... No big woof.
Dog: [barks]
Barney: I don't know who I am without you.

Marshall: This is crazy. Victoria is being completely unreasonable about Robin, and my snap sister is gonna back me up. [snaps] I say again... [snaps]
Lily: I kind of see Victoria's point.
Marshall: Come again for Ms. Fudge?
Lily: Ted and Robin have so much history.
Ted: Exactly. History. Ancient history.
Lily: Ted, you said "I love you" to her earlier this year. I'm not saying this is fair, but I get it.

Lily: Marshall, all of that advice was terrible.
Marshall: Not as terrible as you saying that Ted and Robin should stop being friends.
Lily: I'm not saying they should. It would be horrible. But if Ted really wants to be with Victoria...
Marshall: Ted, tell her that you're not gonna stop being friends with Robin.
Ted: I can't imagine life without Robin. But she'll never be in love with me. She'll never be my wife. She'll never be the person I grow old with. Victoria... Victoria could be.
Marshall: Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Woman: Oh, my God. Thank you so much for bringing Mr. Sprinkles back.
Barney: Mr. Sprinkles... is a great name for a dog.
Woman: Mommy missed you so much. Yes, she did. Did this nice couple take care of you?
[Barney and Robin murmur in disagreement]
Robin: That's a laugh. Ha. Big bro. I got to split. Yeah, I got to, I got to head back to the farm, where I live with my special friend Maureen. Whom I now realize is my lesbian life partner. Surprise. Okay. All right.
Woman: So, would you like a drink?
Barney: Best wingman ever.

Robin: Hey. What's all this? I thought you were mad at me.
Nick: I was, but then I realized I just have to accept that you have close guy friends. I mean, I don't want it becoming a habit that they steal you away from me in the middle of the night. But...
Robin: [phone beeps] Oh, sorry. Oh, Ted needs to see me.
Nick: Oh, for the love of God, woman.
Robin: Oh, it's not what you think. He just wants to have sex. Kidding. Just a little hand stuff. Ha. Kidding again. Ted's more of a boob man. I seriously can't stop.
Nick: What does he want?
Robin: Um, I don't know, but he says it's urgent. I'm so sorry. Just one more little steal-away.
Nick: Just as long as he gives you back.

Robin: So, last night Ted calls me out to the bar to talk about something urgent. Guess what it was. He wants to write a series of young adult mystery novels called The Mosby Boys. Why did you need to tell me that?
Ted: You work in the media. You know people.
Robin: Okay, well, first of all, lose the Mosby nerds and focus on that crime-solving squirrel. That guy is gold. And secondly, next time you have a big idea late at night, please bug your girlfriend about it.
Ted: Uh, actually, Victoria and I broke up.
Robin: Oh, my God. Why, what, what happened?
Ted: We just, you know, wanted different things.