Robin: You know, I liked Stella. Even though she broke your heart, I'd still put her in your top five.
Ted: Which are...?
Robin: All right, number five, Stella. Number four, Zoey. Number three, uh, the Slutty Pumpkin. Number two, Marshall, that time you guys pretended to be a couple when Barney was trying to sell the apartment. And number one, Victoria.
Ted: Well, you've given this some thought.
Robin: Well, we all have. There's kind of a running e-mail chain about it. But the pastry chef was the best. No question.
Ted: I do miss her sticky buns.
Robin: Uh, euphemism?
Ted: Nope.

[flashback:]
Victoria: [on the phone] Unbelievable. And I assume this is all in the hopes that Robin'll ditch her own wedding and run off with you?
Ted: What? No. I would never.
Victoria: You would never run off with a girl on the day of her wedding? Ri...
Ted: Okay, that's a fair point.
Victoria: I'm not done. ...ight.
Ted: So, do you have it?
Victoria: I'm looking at it right now.
Ted: What? Oh, uh... stay there. I'm-I'm on my way.
Victoria: I'm in Germany. Danke schon!
Ted: I see.
Victoria: Look, if it means that much to you, as soon as I'm done here at the bakery, I'll overnight it. It'll be there in 24 hours.
Ted: [exhales] Thank you. So this bakery, what kind of, uh...
Victoria: You want me to send you some chocolate truffle streuselkuchen?
Ted: Yes, please, you're the best, thank you.

2006 Lily: Oh, my gosh, 2013 me! So many questions! How many MySpace friends do I have now? Has James Blunt put out the steady stream of number one hits we all expect from him? And why are we in this hotel room?
Ghost Lily: We're here for Barney's wedding.
2006 Lily: Barney's wedding? Oh, God. What desperate ho-bag is handcuffing herself to that time bomb?
Ghost Robin: My dad did a real number on me.

Marshall: Okay, uh, Ghost Lily, seven-years-ago Ghost Lily, can we get on with this so I can win the argument and we can move on to my regularly scheduled fantasy of you two making out with each other?
Ghost Lily: Sure.
2006 Lily: Just so you know, I really like it when...
Ghost Lily: I know. I'm you. And I don't like that anymore.

Marshall: Okay, yes, seven-years-ago Lily, maybe I am wrong for still being mad at you about San Francisco and our breakup. But the truth is, when you left me, that was the saddest I've ever been in my life.
Ghost Lily: Really? The saddest you've ever been in your life?
Marshall: Saddest I've ever been in my life.
Ghost Marvin Sr.: I mean, I am sitting right here.
Marshall: Look, Dad, yes, obviously, losing you was way worse, but I'm trying to make a bigger point here.
Ghost Marvin Sr.: And what point is that? Because she hurt you once, you now get to hurt her? It's not how it works in a marriage.
All: Ooh...
Ghost Lily: You're totally gonna lose.

Robin: I would have understood, you know? I mean, if you told me that we couldn't be friends anymore, I-I wouldn't have liked it, but I, God, I would have understood.
Ted: I could never do that.
Robin: Why not? Ted, okay, I insist that you tell me why not.
Ted: No way.
Robin: Answer the question. It's... it's for the bride.
Ted: I'm not gonna answer the question, because you know the answer. You want to talk about my top five? There's no top five, Robin! There's just a top one, and it's you. And the only reason I'm saying any of this is 'cause I know that it's not gonna change anything. You and Barney are getting married today. If I have to hold the shotgun myself, it's happening.
Robin: I thought you don't like guns.
Ted: I'm the best man. I swore on the Bro Code. I don't want to go to Bro Hell.
Robin: Bro Hell sounds bad.
Ted: I'm sure Barney's got a whole thing about Bro Hell.

Robin: You're moving to Chicago?
Ted: That's right. I'm gonna work for Hammond Druthers.
Robin: The penis-building guy?
Ted: They're not all penis buildings. He just designed this clamshell amphitheater for the St. Louis Symphony. That one, it doesn't look like a penis, anyway.

Robin: I can't believe you're leaving New York. Wait, is this be- Is this because of me?
Ted: No, it's not because of you. Well, maybe at first it was, but... It's been a really long week. Some stuff has happened and... it's just made me feel like it's, it's time to move on. Yes, good things happened to me in New York, but bad things happened, too.
Robin: Like your top five worst relationships?
Ted: Okay, come on. Let me hear it.
Robin: Number five, Blah Blah. Number four, boats, boats, boats. Number three, Karen. Number two, uh, Zoey. She made both lists. Number one, by a landslide, Jeanette.
Ted: Jeanette, of course.
Robin: By the way, have you talked to Jeanette lately?
Ted: I haven't talked to her.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Liar.

Ghost Lily: By the way, I love your hair.
2006 Lily: I love your hair!
Ghost Marvin Sr.: Imaginary women, right?
Marshall: I need everyone to just be quiet, please. Look, I know that I could have handled all of this better. But setting aside the fact that all of our friends are here and that we don't speak Italian, if we stay in New York, we both get to follow our dreams. Are we really gonna go someplace where only one of us gets to do that?
Ghost Lily: Of course not.
Marshall: Well, then how can you...? Wait. What?
Ghost Lily: We're not moving to Italy. We have a baby. It makes sense to stay here. Even I know that.
Marshall: You do? So... I win? Well, then, ho, hey, ho. In your ethereal face, Ghost Lily. Oh, yeah, the Convincer right here! She thought I was gonna lose.
Ghost Lily: You are gonna lose. You're gonna lose this. If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like "winning" and "losing" when you talk about our marriage. It's not like it'll happen all at once, but if you keep acting this way, little by little, you're gonna lose me. Is that what you want?
Marshall: No, of course not. You're not my enemy. You're my wife.
2006 Lily: [as Borat] My wife! [normal voice] Right? No. Sorr... sorry.

Ted: I have to let go now.
Robin: I know you do.
[Ted imagines Robin floating up into the sky.]