Robin: Well, that's adorable, but from now on, when I walk into the apartment, here is what I will see.
[The phone booth turns into Tex's ex-girlfriend]
Ex-girlfriend #1: I'm Ted's college girlfriend. He made me 12 mix tapes. How many has he made you?
[The lamp turns into another of Ted's exes]
Ex-girlfriend #2: Ex-girlfriend 2: He calls you "sweetie pie"? He called me "sweetie pie."
[The pillow turns into another of Ted's ex-girlfriends]
Ex-girlfriend #3: I'm stupid, but my rack is bigger than yours.

Ted: Really? You can't look at a pillow without seeing my ex-girlfriend-- a pillow!
Robin: Yes, Ted, the fact that you still have that pillow is creepy and gross.
Ted: You're creepy and gross.
Robin: Your mom's creepy and gross.

Robin: Eight flights, of stairs. Who puts a theater up eight flights of stairs? What kind of building is this?
Barney: From the smell of it, I'm guessing a urine factory.

Man #1: I... am... Rage! [gong]
Woman: I... am Greed. [gong]
Lily: I am Rage... Envy! [gong]
Barney: I am outta here.

Lily: You know if you did a play, I would sit through the whole thing and I would compliment you on it afterwards.
Barney: Oh, really? You would?
Lily: Yes.
Barney: Bad move, Aldrin, bad move.

Robin: Oh, my God, you've been robbed!
Ted: Nope.
Robin: All that stuff was from old girlfriends? Don't you buy anything for yourself?
Ted: What can I say? Papa gets swag.

Ted: You know, at first I was really bummed about getting rid of all my stuff. But seeing how happy it makes you, totally worth it.
Robin: Mm, that's kind of how I feel when I begrudgingly have sex with you when I'm really tired.
Ted: Exactly. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Well, sit. Sit, yeah. So you never keep anything your ex-boyfriends gave you?
Robin: Nope. Well, except for my dogs.

Ted: So I had to get rid of everything from my past relationships because you don't keep things from your past relationships except, uh, where are your five dogs from? Oh, that's right: your past relationships.
Robin: What's your point, Ted?
Ted: Well, you know how you said you come over to my apartment, and all you can see are my ex-girlfriends?
Robin: What, so when you look at my dogs, all you see is my ex-boyfriends?
Ted: I do now.

Robin: That's ridiculous.
Ted: I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you. Well, yeah, but not my dogs.
Ted: You said everything.
Robin: But not living things.
Ted: Well, tell that to the rare Bolivian cactus I threw away.
Robin: Things with a heartbeat can stay.

Ted: Just admit it. It was a little hypocritical of you to make me get rid of all my stuff.
Robin: Well, what do you want me to do, Ted? Get rid of my dogs?
[One of Robin's dogs turns into a man]
Man: Guess what position we did it in.
Ted: Yes. Yes, I want you to get rid of your dogs.