[At Barney's play:]
Barney: [singing] The robot found love Confusing my circuitry My software's been hacked Toaster oven You're the one for me Two, three, four.
[Marshall stands up and slaps Barney]
Marshall: That's two.

Barney: Moist. Moist. Moist. Moist.
Future Ted: [v.o.] That was the first 40 minutes of Barney's show.
Barney: Moist.
Future Ted: And then we endured about 20 minutes of this.
[Barney shoots a squirt gun at Lily]
Barney: I have to go refill. I'll be back in a moment. Play's not over.
Marshall: I never get picked for audience participation.
Future Ted: And then it just got weird.
Barney: [in a robot costume] Feelings. Inside. Oh, no! [robot noises]
Future Ted: And when that didn't work...
[Barney plays the recorder]
Lily: Okay! Stop! You win. Fine. Barney, I'm sorry I made you come to my show.

Barney: I don't take flyers.
Marshall: You took one two seconds before you walked in here.
Barney: That's different. It was for a strip club. Two bucks off wings. How much is your flyer going to save me on wings?
Lily: Fine. It's a flyer from my play.
Barney: Oh, Lily, I'd love to, but we're not in college and I'm not trying to sleep with you. So anyway, this mermaid...
Marshall: Hey, Lily's friend asked her to be in this play, and it's gonna be really good.
Barney: Lily, I love you, but we're too old for this. Asking someone to come see your play is like asking someone for a ride to the airport or to crash on your couch or to help you move. Call a cab, book a room, hire some movers and repeat after me: Friends don't let friends come see their crappy play.