Lily: And then Ted would build up a head of steam and finally take the bus to Providence to give Karen a piece of his mind.
[flashback:]
Marshall: How did it go?
Ted: Great. Look who's back?
Both: Karen.
[present:]
Lily: And then sure enough, the whole thing would start all over again.

[flashback to Ted arriving back at his college dorm to once again find Karen in bed with another man:]
Ted: Make that 10 000 and 2 Maniacs, because I got us Natalie Merchant tick...
Man: [sniffs] Sorry, bro.
[present:]
Robin: So she would come visit you at school and the second you turned your back she would bring guys back to your dorm room?
Barney: Respect.

Ted: Okay, I was an idiot. She was my first real girlfriend. I was madly in love with her. We all did stuff we regret,
in college. Junior year, Marshall grew a soul patch, wore a rasta hat, and asked everyone to call him M.J. Smooth.
Marshall: I don't regret that for one second.

Lily: You asked her to lunch?
Marshall: Why would anyone, want to have a lunch, with their ex.
Barney: Glad you asked, Marshall. There are four possible motives behind an ex lunch. Number 1, they want to
get back together.
Lily: Oh, like my high school boyfriend Scooter.
[flashback to Lily having lunch with Scooter:]
Lily: Lilies, clever. I'm sorry I don't have a scooter for you.
Scooter: My God, that's funny. I forgot how funny you are.
Lily: Where is the waiter?
Scooter: Why? You like waiters? I can be a waiter. I'm going to be the greatest waiter on this earth, and then you'll love me.

Marshall: You have to cancel the lunch.
Ted: I would definitely do that, definitely. Except I already had it.
Lily: Robin, I'm going to need to borrow the butt of your gun.

Lily: How could you break bread with that woman?
Ted: It was just lunch. And you know she doesn't eat wheat.

Ted: It was great. It was great. I mean, there was one, weird moment, towards the end.
Robin: Yeah, how do you say good-bye in those situations? A kiss on the cheek is too familiar, a handshake is too formal...
Barney: A hug is just like a public dry hump.
Marshall: I think you're hugging wrong.

Lily: So what happened?
Ted: Well...
[flashback to Ted and Karen having dinner:]
Karen: Schopenhauer made a saucy little argument, in which, he posited... [Ted kisses Karen]
[present:]
Lily: Ted, honey, I want you to go outside and bite the curb. I'll be out in a minute.

Ted: Hey, Karen, was the first girl I ever loved. Okay? And, after the year I've had, I don't know, I guess, having lunch with her just... remind me of what it was like to be 18 and have my whole life figured out. And I would like to remind everyone, that at least, I was wearing pants, Marshall!

Marshall: No, no, no. You can't just go changing the subject like that!
Robin: Oh, yeah. The pants story.
Barney: Pants story bomaye! Pants story bomaye!