Lily: Oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at Robin's tomorrow. Marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight.
Marshall: For the millionth time, sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition.

Ted: Is Bob coming?
Robin: No, he went to see Green Day.

Ted: [on the phone with Barney] Hey, it's me. Listen, you have to come over here and make pies.
Barney: Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely.
Ted: Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver. It's still kind of weird being alone with Robin, but if you were here...
Barney: Hey, say no more. I mean, when I pulled you out of that burning wreckage, I wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me. But if you insist, yes, I'll be there for the christening.
Ted: You're hitting on someone right now, aren't you?
Barney: No, I'm not going to wear the medal of honor. That would just be tacky.
Ted: So you're not coming to make pies?
Barney: No, no. Thank you, Mr. President.

Marshall: What do you mean something weird happened last night?
Ted: You may not realize this, but since we broke up, Robin and I have never really been alone together. So we're in the kitchen, starting on the pies, and we realize, we don't have a damn thing to say to each other. I mean, you can't talk about how close you used to be. You can't talk about how close you're not now. You just feel like everything you say is gonna make things worse.
Barney: Exactly. And you know why? Because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, especially around the holidays. I mean, what decent human being would want to cause any kind of emotional or physical pain...
Marshall: You're still getting slapped.

Ted: [to Marshall] I wanted to leave, but I couldn't stick her with making all the pies by herself. She was exhausted.
[meanwhile:]
Robin: [to Lily] I yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave.
Lily: Yeah, some people just can't take a hint. By the way, I'm really swamped in here.
Robin: I kept looking at the clock and sighing. Totally clueless.
Lily: Uh-huh. I'm not sure I have time to mash those potatoes, you're standing right next to.
Robin: And then Ted does the thing that he always does when there's an awkward silence.
Lily: Yep. Masher's right there next to the pot.
Robin: He panics and says the first thing that pops into his head.

[flashback to Robin's kitchen the night before:]
Robin: Hey, did you know that the first pies in recorded history came from Ancient Egypt?
Ted: Remember last year's Thanksgiving, when we had sex seven times?
[present:]
Marshall: Oh.
Barney: Terrible.
Ted: What? I thought it would break the ice.

Robin: I'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact, then he makes it ten times more awkward.
Lily: How do you respond to something like that?
[flashback to Robin's kitchen the night before:]
Robin: Did you know that the Egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? Probably?

Ted: You know, you could have just told me it was for Bob.
Robin: Yeah, I just thought it might upset you.
Ted: Upset me? Wait a second. Do you think that... Do you think that I'm jealous of Bob?
Robin: I don't know. Is it so ridiculous to think that you might be?
Ted: Yes.
Robin: Why?
Ted: Because he's a thousand years old.

Barney: Relapse five! That's where we high-five, then it's awkward for a little bit... and then we high-five again!

Lily: What the hell were you doing? Let's review. You and Ted broke up six months ago.
Robin: Yep.
Lily: You're dating another man...
Robin: You are correct, sir.
Lily: ...Who's coming to my thanksgiving today.
Robin: That is a truth-fact.
Lily: An event Ted is also attending.
Robin: Kablammo.
Lily: Why are you trying to destroy American Thanksgiving?!