Ted: Why didn't you tell him?
Barney: Well, it's just... If you lived your whole life thinking one thing, it would be pretty devastating to find out that wasn't true. I just don't think Bob could have handled it.
Ted: Bob. Yeah. Probably a good choice.
Barney: Anyway, on the bright side. Happy wedding again! [tosses keys to Marshall]
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's the story of how Uncle Barney gave Lily and Marshall a dune buggy for their wedding.

Robin: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you suggesting that when one of you feels something, the other feels it, too?
Barney: Oh, God, you guys are so codependent.
Lily: No, we're not.
Ted: Oh, really? What about the other day?
[flashback to Lily & Marshall in the kitchen:]
Lily: Oh, I need to get some eggs.
Marshall: Oh, I'll come with you.
[Marshall walks with Lily up to the refrigerator, then they each return to separate kitchen counters]

Marshall: Just because we like spending time together doesn't mean we're codependent.
Barney: Really? Then whatever happened to your plan of spending the last two weeks before your wedding sleeping apart?
Marshall: Okay, we decided not to do that because of...
Lily: Logistics. Wedding logistics.
Marshall: Frickin' logistics, man. They mess everything up.

Ted: You didn't do it because you couldn't do it.
Marshall: Sure we could.
Robin: Then why don't you? You can stay with me.
Lily: It would make our wedding night more special.
Marshall: Okay, let's do it.
Lily: Done.
Marshall: I'm gonna go grab a beer.
Lily: I'll come with you. No. I'll stay.

Lily: My mom's driving me cra.... [Ted and Robin enter with tomato stains all over their clothes] God, you guys are covered in sauce. We'll get to that. Me first. My mom is driving me crazy about the wedding music. The woman takes one cruise to Jamaica, and suddenly, it's quote, "Not a party without steel drums." Doesn't everybody know you're not supposed to stress out a bride right before her wedding?! Okay, sauce, go.
Ted: Long story. I'll tell you later.
Barney: It's a dirty story, isn't it? You guys went out to dinner, did it in the kitchen and got caught. Scherbatsky reeks of someone who likes to get caught.
Robin: Okay, now I have to wash up for two reasons.

Barney: So you and Lily really think you can spend two weeks apart?
Marshall: You know what, Barney? Lily and I are a lot less cheesy than you make us out to be.
Lily: Marshmallow, don't forget to pack my night-night tape.
Barney: Night-night tape? Did you make a tape of you saying "night-night" to her?
Marshall: No.
Lily: He doesn't say it. He sings it.
Barney: Oh, that is so sweet. Why don't you kiss? I love it when two chicks make out.

Barney: [runs through the apartment] Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! [leaves, runs through again] Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Barney: So which one, "A" or "B"?
Marshall: What was that?
Barney: I have to decide how to run to contestant's row when they say, "Barney Stinson, come on down!"
Ted: Oh, I didn't realize that's what it was. Can you do them again?
Barney: Yeah, of course. [exits]
[Ted gets up an locks the front door. Barney crashes into it.]
Barney: [o.s.] Hey! Very funny. Just for that, when I win all the prizes, the only thing you guys are getting is Rice-A-Roni and Turtle Wax.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, one thing I remember about the bar menu at McClaren's is that there were no fewer than 11 different deep-fried appetizers. That night, Aunt Lily ordered them all.
[Barney rides through MacLaren's on a bicycle:]
Barney: Check it out. Okay, imagine... Imagine, if you will, that this is the $1 space on The Price Is Right wheel. Ready? [he turns he wheel]
Marshall: Oh, wow, that was pretty close.
Barney: Close? Close?! It's called The Price Is Right, not The Price Is Close! Oh, man, this is bad. If I don't win the spin-off, and I can't get into the Showcase Showdown, everything's ruined! It's all ruined!

Barney: So now I'm gonna go to L.A., be on the show, win the Showcase Showdown, make him proud of me, and then tell him who I am.
Ted: You're gonna tell Bob Barker that you're his son on national television?
Barney: Why is this so hard for you people to believe?

Ted: Hey, so I think I figured out how to do your toast in a completely appropriate way.
Marshall: Finally.
Ted: Yeah. "Good evening. I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man."
Marshall: Still strong, right?
Ted: Great, yeah. I'd like to share with you all a story about the momentous evening last fall when Marshall and Lily got back together. Afterward, we stayed up till 10:00 at night, doing shots of chocolate milk.
[flashback:]
Ted: Man, I'm well nourished right now!
Barney: Calcium promotes healthy teeth and bones.
Robin: Thanks, Marshall, for teaching us you don't need alcohol to have fun.
Marshall: Oh, don't thank me. Thank my parents for teaching me good values.
Ted: [v.o.] Now, I wasn't supposed to hear this next part, but Marshall leaned over to Lily and whispered.
Marshall: You know what I'd like to do to you right now? I'd like to hold your hand. I'd like to hold your hand so hard that you're not able to shake hands for a week.
Ted: [v.o.] Then a little later, Robin caught them... Um... holding hands. End flashback. It was a lovely and responsible night. To Marshall and Lily.