Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]

Barney: We're going to Sascha's.
Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
Barney: Sascha. [points to security woman] She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is -dairy!

Robin: Well, that's true. Not every dude can pull off that blond look.
Ted: I don't know about that.
Robin: What?
Ted: Well, that summer I was lifeguarding at the Chagrin Falls Country Club, I was lathering a little lemon juice
into the old mop, playing with some natural highlights. Let's just say there were a few senior citizens who pretended to drown on my watch. And sadly, one who did.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, up to this point in the story, we had found doppelgangers, eerie but awesome look-alikes, for four of the five members of our little group. There was Lesbian Robin. Mustache Marshall. Stripper Lily. And Mexican Wrestler Me. Yes, mine was the coolest. And so, we were all eager to find the fifth doppelganger, Barney's. Turned out it was more important to some of us than others. And then one day, a few weeks later...
Marshall: Baby, were you serious about the whole fifth doppelganger thing? I mean, having a baby is a pretty big thing to leave up to the universe.
Lily: Yeah, I know it's crazy. It's just so much easier to let the universe decide.Why do you ask?
Marshall: Boom! Universed!
Lily: Oh, my God! Wait, wait, wait, hold on. That could easily be Barney pulling some scam to meet chicks.
Marshall: I'm one step ahead of you.
Barney: [answers phone] Go for Barney.
Marshall: Barney, hey, it's Marshall. So, you are at work? You're not, I don't know, driving a cab, wearing a wig?
Barney: Yes, I'm at work. That's the sound of my stapler. That's the sound of my three-hole punch. And this is the sound of me filing my corporate guidelines n sexual harassment. [shredder] What is up? Gotta go, Big Chief.
Marshall: Barney's at work. That was the fifth doppelganger.
Lily: Marshall Eriksen, put a baby in my belly.

Lily: Guys, look! The fifth doppelganger!
Barney: Uh, Lily?That dude looks...
Marshall: [telepathically] Guys, go with it.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you can ask the universe for signs all you want.
Marshall: It's uncanny.
Lily: Right?
Robin: Looks just like Barney.
Ted: Amazing.
Barney: It's like looking in the mirror.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But ultimately, we only see what we wanna see, when we're ready to see it.
Marshall: So, does this mean...
Lily: Marshall Eriksen, put a baby in my belly.