Barney Quote #319
Quote from Barney in How Lily Stole Christmas
Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]
Features in the collections: Barney Stinson: Legendary, Barney Stinson: True Story.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Barney Stinson: Legendary’
Quote from Barney in Sweet Taste of Liberty
Barney: We're going to Sascha's.
Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
Barney: Sascha. [points to security woman] She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is -dairy!
Barney: [slurring] A few final thoughts. Don't get married until you're 30. Play laser tag once a week. Give at least as many high fives as you get. Teacup pigs are lady magnets, but very hard to care for. Not worth the effort. The same goes for dogs and babies. And most importantly, whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it. Good luck, boys. Take care of the game for me.
Kyle: We will. Did you ever get his name?
Justin: No. What'd he give you?
Kyle: I don't know, but I think it's important. [Kyle holds a scrap of papers titled "The Playbook"]
‘Barney Stinson: True Story’
Quote from Barney in The Three Days Rule
Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.
Quote from Barney in Where Were We?
Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be down here celebrating. He's free. He got that red-head-tumor removed.
Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books.
Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do? He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
‘How Lily Stole Christmas’ Quotes
Quote from Ted
Ted: [on answering machine] Hey, Marshall. Are you lying on the couch right now moping about Lily? You are, aren't you? Well, stop it. She's not worth it. You gotta get over that Grinch.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But I didn't say "Grinch." I said a bad word. A very, very bad word.
Ted: Oh, fudge.
Future Ted: But I didn't say fudge.
Quote from Future Ted
Ted: She took the decorations. She took the decorations! What a Grinch!
Future Ted: [v.o.] That time I did say "Grinch."
Quote from Lily
Ted: Grinchy, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch.
[The lights go out]
Lily: Happy? Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs.
Ted: Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I...
Man: [o.s.] You use that language again and I'll turn off your water!
Lily: That's my super. He lives above me. Great. Thanks to your filthy mouth, now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark.