Ted Quote #307
Quote from Ted in Wait For It...
[At Marshall and Lily's wedding in 2007:]
Ted: I don't know. Robin and I broke up two weeks ago. I'm... I'm not ready.
Barney: When will you be ready?
Future Ted: [v.o.] It was a good question. After a big relationship ends, you need some time to recuperate. Robin took a trip to Argentina, and I went through my usual routine. I grew my breakup beard.
[Ted is in his bathroom as Barney bursts in:]
Barney: Ted Mosby, suit up, 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale.
Ted: I'm not ready.
[Ted paints a wall as Barney bursts in:]
Future Ted: I repainted the apartment.
Barney: Finish line of a woman 10K. Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. Yeah.
Ted: I'm not ready.
[The gang, minus Robin, are MacLaren's:]
Future Ted: And the truth is, I was doing really good.
Barney: Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. We're going to get "Cirque de So-Laid". What up?
Ted: Barney, come on, we've covered this. I'm not-
Lily: Robin!
Robin: Hey, guys. I just got in last night. Um, uh, this is Gael.
Gael: Hola.
Ted: Okay, I'm ready.
Features in the collection: Barney Stinson: Suit Up.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Barney Stinson: Suit Up’
Quote from Barney in Monday Night Football
Barney: [enters, on the phone] Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy.
Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Ted: "Sartorial"?
Barney: "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?!
[Barney holds his hand up for a high-five. A giggling Marshall is the only one to accept]
Quote from Barney in Drumroll, Please
Barney: Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up!
Ted: Yes! No.
Barney: Oh, come on!
‘Wait For It...’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Barney: Not possible. You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board.
Lily: How do you know?
Barney: Glad you asked Lily. I have crafted a list of every vehicle, land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have sex. And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31. Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. Oh, P.S., in order to hit 33, all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule.
Lily: To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian.
Barney: This conversation never happened.
Quote from Marshall
Barney: [answers phone] Go for Barney.
Marshall: Hey, man. It's Marshall. Check your e-mail. Sent you something.
Barney: What is it?
Marshall: Just a new website. Slapcountdown.com.
[Barney goes to the website. The countdown reads 55 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 58 seconds]
Barney: What does this mean? Marshall? Ma...?
[Marshall hangs up. Marshall holds his hand to his face, then practices a slap)
Barney: No. [screams] No!
Quote from Lily
Ted: I just can't believe her. [Ted comes out of the bathroom with his chin shaved] We have this totally amicable split, everything's cool. And she comes back from vacation with that guy? You know what she's doing? She's trying to win the breakup.
Lily: What do you mean "Win the breakup", old timey inventor.
Marshall: What our 21st president, Chester A. Arthur, is trying to say is that in every breakup there are winners and losers.
Lily: It's not a competition. Now, your 80-day balloon race around the world, that was a competition.
Marshall: That's my wife.