‘Noretta’
Season 7, Episode 7 - Aired October 24, 2011
After Kevin mentions that it's not unusual for people to seek out mates who are like their parents, the gang start to look at their relationships in different ways. Meanwhile, a string of unfortunate incidents threaten Barney and Nora's night as they are finally about to have sex.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Guess I'm going to this concert alone. I'll be that weird guy. I mean, that other weird guy.
Kevin: You know, there is one guy you didn't ask yet. Someone who happens to be the biggest Weird Al fan in the whole world.
Ted: Kevin!
Kevin: Ted!
Ted: Oh! Oh, you are gonna flip when you see our tickets. They're in the shape of an accordion. What?! [runs off]
Robin: So, uh, you like Weird Al?
Kevin: Not in the slightest.
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the fall of 2011, all of my friends were in relationships. So when Barney's brother James came to visit, it created a slight logistical problem.
Marshall: We're gonna need a bigger booth.
Nora: I'm gonna go to the loo. I don't actually have to go, I just want a seat all to myself.
Barney: So, would anyone care to ask me where Nora and I are going tonight?
Ted: Don't ask him. It's a trap.
Kevin: Where you going?
Marshall: Come on, man, for God's sake!
Barney: Bootytown, Kevin! We are finally going to Bootytown.
Robin: And that's why we don't ask him.
Quote from Barney
Nora: Hello again, my darlings. Barney, I hope you're ready for tonight. Because you're gonna have to use muscles you haven't used in years.
Barney: I am?
Nora: Yes. And I hope you have some aspirin at home, because your arse is gonna be killing you tomorrow.
Barney: It is?
Nora: Indeed. Because tonight... I'm strapping on this. We're going skating!
James: The Pork Authority's closed. Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you, little buddy.
Barney: So that's your special treat? Ice skating?
Nora: Of course. [whispers] And after that, we're gonna shag.
Barney: We're going ice skating, everybody!
Quote from James
James: Ask me what I think of Nora.
Robin: What do you think of Nora?
James: Lovely girl. Ask me what I really think of her.
Marshall: What do you really think of her?
James: Guys, she's great, seriously. Just drop it. Ask me one more time.
Lily: What do you really think?
James: Fine! If you really must know, I do not like Barney with that woman! Happy?
Quote from Robin
Robin: What could you possibly not like about Nora? Her hair? Her mousy little nose? The way she does everything perfectly? I mean, what's not to like?
Quote from Barney
Nora: Forgot my raincoat.
Barney: That makes one of us. [shows a pack of condoms]
Quote from James
James: I mean, sure, Barney has slept with plenty of other people's mothers. [Marshall pats Ted's shoulder] But now he's gonna sleep with ours?
Kevin: Psychologically speaking, it's perfectly normal to wind up with someone like your parents. Thanks to my mom, I'll probably wind up with someone who loves my brother more than me.
James: Well, psychologically speaking, I'm gonna go throw up now.
Quote from Barney
Nora: Well, I'm impressed that you know a 24-hour dentist.
Barney: Oh, yeah. He can also give you tattoos, do your taxes and alter a suit. But I wouldn't trust him with a suit 'cause... [glugs] Speaking of drinking, you want to...?
Quote from Robin
Robin: Hey, um, should've mentioned this before, but, um, Ted and I prefer that our guests remain fully clothed in the public areas of the apartment. Been some complaints.
Kevin: Did Ted say something?
Robin: Oh, th- there's been some complaints. Not pointing any fingers or anything, but let's just keep those pants on, okay? Good talk.
Kevin: Well, if Ted said that, I've got something to complain about, too... Ted's nuts.
Robin: Okay, yes, Ted is a little neurotic, but I wouldn't say...
Kevin: No, no, no, I mean Ted's nuts.
[flashback to Ted walking through the living room as Kevin reads the paper. As Ted's bath robe flashes open, Kevin spills coffee on his pants. He stands up and pulls his pants down. Ted returns from the kitchen to see Kevin in his underwear.]
Robin: So what? It's his apartment.
Kevin: You're taking his side? Wait, this isn't one of those classic "You still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend, who's oddly also your roommate, which for the record I'm totally cool with, even though everybody tells me I've walked into a bear trap" things, is it?