[flashback to three months ago:]
Ted: Her favorite CD in the Otis Redding box set? Disc three. My favorite? Any guesses? Anyone? Come on. Disc three! God, Victoria's so amazing! I could talk about her for hours.
Lily: What do you mean "could"?
Ted: I'm sorry, it's just... God, I... I'm crazy about this girl. It feels like maybe... I don't want to say it.
Barney: Trust that impulse, Ted.

Robin: Hey, something kind of cool just happened. My story on Pickles, the Singing Dog, just got nominated for a Local Area Media Award.
Lily: A LAME-A?
Robin: We prefer Local Area Media Award.
Um... there's going to be this big banquet. I know these things aren't much fun, but it would really mean a lot to me if you guys came.
All: [murmur]
Robin: And there's an open bar.
All: [upbeat] Oh!

Barney: The point is, how long has it been?
Ted: 57 days.
Barney: Is that your water? May I?
Ted: Yeah, go ahead.
Barney: Much obliged. [spit-takes] 57 days?! Ted, you are in a slump.

Ted: No, it's not a slump. It's an intentional hiatus from girls. A slump is when you strike out every time you step up to the plate. But I'm off the roster, baby. I'm in the locker room sitting in the whirlpool. And I'll tell you something, it feels pretty good.
Barney: Yeah, you know what else is in that locker room? A naked dudes hanging brain.

Robin: Ted's still coming to this thing, right?
Lily: Yep.
Robin: Do you think, um... hypothetically... it would be weird if I bring a date?
Lily: Look at you, Scherbatsky, blatantly trying to make Ted jealous.
Robin: No, it's just this guy at the station. I never get involved with co-workers, but he asked me and I said yes. Is it going to be weird?
Lily: No, it's not going to be weird at all.
[cut to:]
Lily: [on the phone] Robin's bringing a date.
Marshall: Boy. That's going to be really weird.
Lily: I know.

Marshall: Robin's bringing a date.
Ted: Oh. Okay. That's not weird. She's bringing a date. I'm glad she's moving on.
Marshall: Dude, it's going to be weird.
Ted: No, it's fine. Look, in spite of whatever happened between us, Robin and I are still friends. I don't think it'll be weird.
Barney: Yeah, it won't be weird.
Ted: Thank you.
Barney: Because you're going to bring your own date.
Woman: Hello, Barney.
Barney: Hi, Mary. Have you met Ted?

Ted: What the hell?
Barney: Dude, your narrow-minded views on professional fornicators were harshing my mellow. So I got you a date for the evening.
Ted: You got me a hooker. A really hot hook- A hooker!
Barney: Think about it. This is perfect. (A) It will make Robin insanely jealous. (B) You get to have sex with her. And (C) maybe by getting to know Mary, you'll come to see that courtesans are people, too. And (D), "B" all night long.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And then your Uncle Marhsall and I had one of our famous telepathic conversations.
Marshall: Check out Robin's date.
Ted: I know.
Marshall: Is that who I think it is?
Ted: Yep. It's Sandy Rivers.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Sandy Rivers was the face of Metro News One, the most low-budget cable news network ever.
[flashback:]
Ted: Sandy time. Sandy time!
Ted from 2030: He was best known for his morning segment "In Today's Paper," during which he literally flipped through today's papers, reading them aloud to viewers.
Sandy: Here we have, on the front page, a story about a... I guess, a guy in a superhero costume climbing the Empire State Building. Looks interesting.
Ted from 2030: These idiotic filler pieces were a guilty pleasure of ours.
Ted: Which Sandy do we want today? French Sandy, porn star Sandy...?
Marshall: Yosemite Sandy, definitely.
Ted: Excellent choice. I love this guy.

Robin: Oh, um, Ted, this is Sandy.
Sandy Rivers: Hi. Sandy Rivers. Use my full name. People get a kick out of it.
Ted: Hi, Sandy. Rivers. So are you two, uh...
Sandy Rivers: Starting a bunch of office rumors? Looks that way. Looks that way.