Ted: I still can't believe you're going all corporate on us. "The kid" has become "the man."
Marshall: Okay, it's just an internship to make a little money. After law school, I'm going to work for the NRDC. They're gonna stop global warming.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Well, I mean, they did their best.

Lily: Here's your sack lunch.
Marshall: Okay, I love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch and two, you laugh every time you say the word "sack".

Future Ted: [v.o.] Another care package. I'd been in a long-distance relationship with Victoria for nearly a month. Long-distance relationships are a bad idea.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Marshall was going to work for a big corporation called Altrucel. Altrucel was most well-known for making the yellow fuzzy stuff on the surface of tennis balls. I mean, this was a huge company, so they did other things... But mostly they wanted the public to focus on the yellow fuzzy stuff. Anyway, Marshall managed to score an internship in their legal department because he knew someone who worked there.
Barney: [answers the phone] Go for Barney.
Marshall: Mr. Stinson, this is Willis from lobby security. Sorry to bother you, but we've had reports of a sasquatch loose in the building.
Barney: A sasquatch?
Marshall: That's right, sir, a Bigfoot. We don't want to alarm you, but he's been spotted on your floor.

Bilson: Okay, Eriksen, let's get to work. It's 2:00 a.m. It's raining outside. Ding dong! What? The doorbell? Oh, hello, Jessica Alba in a trench coat and nothing else. But wait-- knock, knock. Somebody's at the back door?
Marshall: I don't have a back door.
Bilson: Oh, my gosh, Jessica Simpson? What a surprise. Two Jessicas, you gotta pick one. What do you do? Go.
Marshall: Right. Well, uh... I'm engaged, so--
Bilson: Fiancee's out of town. What do you do? Go.
Marshall: We're still engaged, even if she's...
Bilson: Okay, fiancee's dead. Hit by a bus. What do you do? Go.

Ted: So I'm standing there, my mouth full of this delicious relationship-winning cupcake... And... I said something dumb.
[flashback:]
Ted: [on the phone] Oh, and, um... don't worry, yours is in the mail. I sent it a couple days ago. And it's awesome. Really, really awesome.
[back:]
Ted: Why did I say that? I think frosting makes me lie.

Ted: Yeah. So now, whatever I send her, she'll know I sent it after I talked to her. So that's the problem. You work on that. I'm gonna eat this cupcake.
Robin: All right, here's what you do: Put together a care package of stuff from New York-- some H&H bagels, an Empire State Building keychain... and then, top off the package with a New York Times... Ready? From three days ago.
Ted: That's brilliant. You're brilliant. You know, it's funny, not so long ago, I was coming to Marshall and Lily for advice on how to impress you.
Robin: That is funny.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And here's why it was funny.
[flashback:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Little did I realize, a few weeks earlier, here's what Robin was saying to Lily about me.
Robin: Okay, fine, I have feelings for him.
[back:]
Ted: Now it's ironic, the girl I used to like is helping me impress the girl I now like.
Robin: The irony is clear, Ted.

Bilson: What do you got there, Eriksen? Mommy pack your lunch?
Marshall: For your information, my fiancee did.
Blauman: Oh... Does she cut the crusts off your sandwich, too?
Marshall: No. [wraps the sandwich back up in foil]

Blauman: What's that?
Marshall: Nothing. Give it.
Bilson: "Dear Marshmallow. Good luck today. I love you. Lilypad."
Marshall: Give it.
Bilson: "P.S. If you've unfolded this note, your kiss already got out. Quick, catch it."

Lily: Change your personality? That is so awful, and not at all motivational.
Marshall: Not necessarily. Okay, at first, I was appalled, but then I realized it's just like Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vasquez in Life Among the Gorillas. I have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them. It's an anthropological study. Isn't that cool?
Lily: It sounds kinda like peer pressure.
Marshall: No, no, no. It's totally anthropological and it's cool and I'm doing it.
Lily: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. We have an assembly every year.
Marshall: I'm portraying someone who succumbs to peer pressure.
Lily: All right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say?
Marshall: Only when I'm drunk.
Lily: Good boy.