Future Ted: [v.o.] And so, to fit in with the gorillas, Marshall had to learn to act like a gorilla, and that meant gorilla lessons.
Barney: Okay, I'm psyched about this. But if I'm going to mentor you, I need to know you're psyched about this, too.
Marshall: Oh, I am. I'm, I'm psyched.
Barney: Yeah, but it's one thing to say it, it's another thing to show it. Show it. [Barney stands up and raises his hand for a high-five]
Marshall: I'm psyched! [high fives Barney]
Barney: What was that? Marshall, I should feel tremors of psychitude rock my body like a seizure. That was like a declawed pregnant cat on a porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
Marshall: Wow, that was really specific.
Barney: Show me you're psyched! [Marshall high fives Barney] Let's do this! Ow! That hurt!
Marshall: So badly.

Barney: And then you slip it to the guy with a discreet handshake and he'll get it done.
Marshall: Right. Get what done?
Barney: Whatever.
Marshall: Cool. And what guy is this?
Barney: There's always a guy.

Robin: "Hey, Ted. Sorry I missed your call last night. This long-distance thing sucks, huh? Listen, I've been thinking and I really need to talk to you tonight. I'll call you at 11. Victoria."
Ted: She's going to dump me. Has anyone ever said, "Listen, I've been thinking," and then follow it up with something good? It's not like: Listen, I've been thinking, Nutter-Butters are an underrated cookie. What else can it be? What could she possibly have to say to me that she couldn't write in an e-mail?
Robin: I cut off all my fingers?

Blauman: But wait, knock-knock, back door, who's there? Angelina Jolie... wait, in a wheelchair. What do you do? Go.
Bilson: Dude, Scarlett Johannsen with no arms, any day of the week. Yeah.
Lily: [to Marshall] You're right. They're delightful.

Marshall: So, Barney, you gonna sing anything?
Barney: Nah. I'm so over karaoke.
Marshall: Really? I thought you'd be totally into it.
Barney: Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm good. The best, really. But it's the greatest samurai who lets his sword rust in its scabbard.

Lily: Oh, baby, they have our song. Let's do "Don't Go Breaking My Heart."
Bilson: What?
Marshall: "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Elton John, Kiki Dee.
Bilson: No way. You got to go with some Black Sabbath.
Lily: Well, actually, Marshall and I have this little dance routine.
Marshall: "Iron Man." I could do "Iron Man."
Blauman: Steak sauce.
Bilson: Steak sauce, dude.

Lily: Okay, that was gross. When were you going to tell me you changed your entire career path?
Marshall: Nothing has changed, okay? I still want to help the environment. I just thought that maybe I could make some money for a few years. We could buy an apartment, send our kids to good schools. You could quit your job and focus on your painting. I know that you say you don't need it, but... I love you and I want to give it to you anyway. I want to give you the package.
Lily: The package?! You've already given me the package. You've got a great package, Marshall. I love your package.
Marshall: Lily, you're the most incredible woman I know, and you deserve a big package.
Lily: Your package has always been big enough. You may not realize this, Marshall Eriksen, but you've got a huge package.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And so I was sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring, something occurred to me.
Ted: I'm actually sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring.

Barney: [singing] He's giving you the blues. You want to graduate, but not in his bed. Here's what you got to do Pick up the phone...

Marshall: Yeah. Yeah. How you doing?
Ted: I think Victoria's about to break up with me.
Marshall: Oh, God, I'm sorry, man.
Ted: Yeah, well, honestly, I'm having trouble remembering what she looks like. The more I try to picture her, the more I can't. Like, I remember how she makes me feel. I just... I don't completely remember her. It's like I'm trying to preserve something that's already gone.
Marshall: Preserving something that's already gone. Sounds like environmental law.
Ted: I don't know. We struggle so hard to hold onto these things that we know are going to disappear eventually. And that's really noble, but even if you save every rainforest from being turned into a parking lot, well, then where are you going to park your car?