Barney: [to Marshall] Look at us, two guys in suits. You feel that slight tingle? That's every girl in the bar wanting you, and every guy wanting to be you. Actually, it's mostly me, but you're getting some of the splash.

Ted: Guys, I'm kind of screwed here. I don't want to lose Victoria, but I can't ask her to stay just for me. And long distance definitely isn't an option.
Marshall: No. No, no, no. No way. You know who likes long distance? Girls. It's all talking and no sex. Kill me now.
Barney: Don't knock long-distance relationships. I really think they can work.
Ted: Really? You?
Barney: Absolutely. I'm juggling four right now. There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, there's Laura in Denmark, and Kelly on 34th Street. [Irish accent] The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney.

Barney: Um, are you coloring in your butt?
Marshall: I have a big interview coming up, and my suit has holes in it. I can't sew, I don't own Navy boxers, so, yeah, I'm coloring in my butt.
Barney: So wear another one.
Marshall: I don't have another one. I'm flat broke. My only other suit options are track or birthday.