Ted: I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. I guess I got the let's-not-talk-about-anything-uncomfortable gene
Barney: Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, that's for sure.

Robin: But I don't want to get married and have kids. What am I supposed to say?
Ted: You know what? You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. You shouldn't have to apologize for them.
Robin: I'm gonna lie.
Ted: I would.

Virginia Mosby: I talked to Aunt Caroline the other day. Stacy's pregnant again.
Ted: Oh, good for her.
Virginia Mosby: So, dear...
Robin: Oh, boy.
Virginia Mosby: Tell us what it's like being a journalist.
Robin: I'm just not ready.
Virginia Mosby: Okay. No pressure.
Robin: Oh. Uh, I thought you, um... It's great.
Virginia Mosby: Good. Focus on your job now, because your career clock is ticking. There's time for marriage and kids and all that other stuff later.

Ted: You lucked out with my mom last night, huh? What a relief, right?
Robin: Oh, absolutely. Whew, what a relief it is to know I'm the one girlfriend your mom doesn't want you to have kids with.
Ted: Hooray?
Robin: I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend Cheryl would pop out attractive children? 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman.
Ted: Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. It was her... It's not important.

Robin: I don't care how unpleasant it is, you have to talk to him.
Virginia Mosby: Not now.
Robin: Okay, if you don't, I will.
Virginia Mosby: Robin...! [Virginia lifts her arm and accidentally knocks over a waitress carrying plates]
Alfred Mosby: Oh, gosh, let me help you pick those up, sweetheart.
Ted: Sweetheart? Sweetheart?! The only sweetheart in your life should be the woman you married 30 years ago, not the waitress at the bar last night and not this clumsy floozy! [to the waitress] I'm sorry, you're not a floozy. I'm upset, I don't know what I'm saying. But stay away from my dad.
Virginia Mosby: Ted, what are you talking about?
Ted: Dad? You, uh, want to tell Mom what happened at the bar last night?
Alfred Mosby: Okay. I hooked up with a waitress.
Virginia Mosby: [casually] Oh.
Ted: Oh?
Virginia Mosby: I mean, oh! Oh! Ooh! We're going to have a serious talk about this when we get home, Al. Oh, ooh!

Ted: Serious talk? Mom, what...? He was kissing another woman. Don't you care?
Robin: Mrs. Mosby?
Virginia Mosby: Ted, we weren't quite sure how to tell you this...
Alfred Mosby: Your mother and I are divorced.
Ted: What do you mean you're divorced? Since when?
Virginia Mosby: Oh, gosh, it's been about nine months now.
Alfred Mosby: Closer to ten, I think.
Virginia Mosby: Time flies.

Ted: So ten months ago, you just up and decided to get divorced without telling me?
Virginia Mosby: No, it wasn't a snap decision.
Alfred Mosby: We'd been separated almost two years.
Ted: How could you not tell me this?!
Virginia Mosby: We meant to, it just never seemed like the right time.
Ted: So last Christmas...?
Alfred Mosby: We talked about telling you kids then, but it didn't seem very Christmasy.
Ted: I got you a tandem bike.
Alfred Mosby: Oh, it didn't go to waste. Your mother and Frank ride it all the time.
Ted: Who the hell is Frank?!
Alfred Mosby: Oh, great guy. I actually set them up. You remember Dr. Muchnik. He did your braces.
Ted: Okay, my head's about to explode, and I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, so I am leaving.

Ted: I just, I don't... I don't understand. You seemed so happy. When I was growing up, you seemed so... What happened?
Alfred Mosby: We just realized we're very different people.
Virginia Mosby: Your father's kind of a head-in-the-clouds romantic, and I'm much more down to earth.
Ted: So? Robin and I are like that. That doesn't mean anything.
Alfred Mosby: I wanted kids. And your mother... also wanted kids.
Ted: Robin and I have different views on families. We're not about to break up because of it.
Virginia Mosby: On some level, I always knew. I didn't even want to go out with him in the beginning. But he spent months badgering me until I finally gave in.
Alfred Mosby: Well, when you don't connect on that many fundamental levels, it's only a matter of time before you realize you're not meant to be together.
Virginia Mosby: But we love Robin.
Alfred Mosby: Absolutely. Meeting you was the highlight of my trip. Well, second highlight.
Virginia Mosby: We'll see you inside.
Alfred Mosby: Sorry.
Robin: Wow.
Ted: I know.
Robin: They love me!