Marshall: I don't want a girl. I just want a little boy.
Ted: It's not what it sounds like, folks.

Marshall: [on video chat] Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
Judy Eriksen: Marshall? Is that you?
Marshall: Oh, okay, um... You guys, you're a little too close to the camera. Can you back up a bit?
Marvin Sr.: How's this?
Marshall: Every time. Um, can you just sit in front of the computer like normal human beings? Perfect! Perfect.
Marvin Sr.: What's up, shooter?
Marshall: Um, to be honest, I'm getting a little freaked out about the idea of having a daughter. I know you two probably aren't the right people to talk to about this. You had all boys.
Marvin Sr.: Oh, well, that was just dumb luck. Hey, honey, would you get me a brewski from out of the shed?
Judy Eriksen: Sure. You want anything, Marshall?
Marshall: I'm in a computer, Mom.

[as Robin reads the news on her show, Becky keeps poking her to get her attention:]
Robin: Members of the G-8 convened today in Vienna to discuss plans to fight climate change by re... What?
Becky: Ask me what I did yesterday.
Robin: Hey, Becky, Becky, this is our news segment, okay? Nobody cares what you did yesterday.
Mike: Lighten up, Robin. What'd you do, sweetheart?
Robin: Mike!
Becky: Well, I'm new in town and don't know many people. But yesterday, I met the sweetest man,
who took me on a tour of the city. [whispers] Guys, New York is kind of cool.
Robin: Okay, back to the G-8 conference. Hello? Mike, can I get in the shot? Fantastic.

[as Robin and Becky present the news:]
Becky: Then this cutie patootie took me to this bar called MacLaren's, right underneath his apartment.
Robin: Wait... Did you go out with Ted Mosby?
Becky: Yes! Guys, I went out with Robin's roommate. I saw her bedroom. She's a messy Bessie.
Robin: In other news, later today, a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat.
[later:]
Ted: Ow!

Robin: Ted, of all the women in New York, you had to go out with an eight-year-old girl?
Ted: Not what it sounds like, folks.

Robin: Let me guess: she acted like a helpless little girl, and you stepped in as the big, strong man.
Ted: I don't know if that's totally true.
[flashback to Ted and Becky in the apartment:]
Ted: It's okay, little darlin'. [stands on spider]
Becky: Poor spider.
Ted: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Spiders gotta die so trees can grow.
[present:]
Ted: Then I held her tight and told her it was all gonna be okay. By the way, I think I only wounded the spider. It crawled off into my bedroom.
Robin: Wait. Is that why you slept on the couch last night?
Ted: [scoffs] Yeah, I slept.

Marvin Sr.: [Marshall recalls the video chat] Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden. First, eat pickled herring. Eat it!
Marshall: This is ridiculous.
[fantasy scene of Marshall's pregnant daughter marrying Barney at the strip club]

Barney: Guys, I have some terrible, terrible news. I, Barney Stinson, can't pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy. Challenge forfeited.
Ted: Yeah, we don't care about this...
Robin: No one challenged you, so it wasn't really a challenge.
Barney: [sobbing] I'm sorry.

Man: Hey, Gerard, what's with that shirt? Nobody could pick up a chick wearing that thing.
Barney: Challenge accept... [sobbing]

Ted: Wow, I'm glad that's over. It was creepy watching Barney talk like a little kid.
Robin: Oh, but you find it irresistible when Becky does? I don't get it. The Ted that I went out with was attracted to the kind of woman who could use a steak knife without supervision.
Ted: For your information, Becky doesn't like steak, she likes pasghetti. Spaghetti. And more importantly, she makes me feel needed.
Robin: Needed?
Ted: She makes training wheels feel needed.