Lily: [over intercom] Marshall, I just remembered I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can.
Marshall: Okay, thanks, baby.
[in night-vision, we see Mickey sneak into the room, and grab the matches from the drawer before Marshall gets there]
Marshall: Lily, I can't find them.
Mickey: [over intercom, lights match] Looking for these? Oh, right, you can't see me. Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need. [laughs] Aah, ooh, ow! Ow.

Marshall: Hah! Oh! Mickey, guess who found the basement stairs? I'll be down at that fuse box in no time, and when I get there, I'm sure that I'll figure out how fuse boxes work, so it'll be fine.
Mickey: [over intercom] Hey, Marshall, I know I've been messing with you, but seriously, that second step, don't...
Marshall: I don't want to hear it, Mickey. Ow, ow, oh, ow, oh, ow. Oh, my knee! Ow!
Mickey: And watch out for my drum set.

Ted: I win again! I was bluffing. I didn't even have enough cards.
Barney: Ted, please stop winning.
Ted: Hey, look, it's the New York City skyline. [singing] We built Chip City We built Chip City on all your dough Built Chip City.

Ted: You know Butterfly-knife. I'd expect this from Face Tattoo, or Jagged Cheek Scar, or Larry, but not you.
Larry: Why don't I get nickname?
Ted: Because you have too many things, Larry. You get one thing!

Stripper Lily: We go to party in slaughterhouse. You come?
Robin: [inner monologue] Please, God, no.
Barney: [inner monologue] Don't let me be in charge of the gang anymore.
New Marshall: [inner monologue] I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember me from our sessions three years ago.
Kevin: [inner monologue] Is that the lunatic that stabbed all those prison guards?
Ted: [inner monologue] We gotta hit that party! I'll never find love. [out loud] We got to hit that party!
All: Sweet.

Marshall: Lily? I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs. I miss our home. I miss our booth with our friends. And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... somewhere bad.

Lily: Dad, why are you acting like this?
Mickey: Well, I was just trying to be helpful, but you guys want me out by the Fourth of July.
Lily: Tomorrow. You know what a helpful father, not to mention grandfather, might do? Get these lights back on.
Mickey: [intercom beeps] Okay, Marshall, listen up. I'm gonna get you to that fuse box.
Marshall: Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please? I don't know anything about this house.
Mickey: No, Marshall... you don't know anything about your house. All right, we got a lot of work to do.

Stripper Lily: Wait here, we get you on VPI list for party.
New Marshall: You give us, uh, $200 per person. Cover charge.
Barney: That's pretty steep for a cover charge.
Stripper Lily: Is very good party. Is party for, uh, New York Yankees and Coca-Cola.
Ted: Oh, my God. A Coca-Cola Yankees party? That sounds like a real thing.

Robin: Well, judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, I'd say we've been here almost an hour. Ted, we've been robbed.
Ted: Better Lily and New Marshall would never rob us. They're our best friends.
[flashback to New Marshall telling the poker group he was going to rob Ted]
Barney: Damn it, Ted. New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear and the only thing that Better Lily is better at than our Lily is over-the-pants hand stuff. I'm assuming.

Ted: Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, but here's what's gonna happen. First, we're gonna leave a note for Better Lily and Arvydas, they're worriers.
Robin: Oh, buddy.
Ted: Then, we're gonna go see Only Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily because they're our best friends and they're only 46 minutes away. Are you with me?
Barney: Kind of resent the power grab, but okay, let's go!