Al Quote #260
Al: Today we show you how to build a man's bed.
Tim: We'll be using materials that make a man feel all warm and toasty inside. Cold, hard steel.
Al: That's right. We'll be cutting that steel with the Binford 6100 chop saw.
Tim: She's a beauty, isn't she? 14-inch cut-off blade. Now, make sure your steel is fastened securely. Use a smooth pull, makes for a smooth cut. Now, this is the steel for our headboard and frame.
Al: And this is the backup steel for when Tim screws up.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, maybe you can remind Brad of the famous Hindustan proverb: "True nobility lies not in being superior to another man, but in being superior to one's previous self."
Tim: Ooh, yeah!
Jill: That is so perfect.
Tim: Like it. Where do you keep coming up with these things?
Wilson: Oh, neighbor, neighbor. I've spent my entire life studying the wisdom of intelligent thinkers and philosophers. However, this one I read in a fortune cookie.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to the Binford 6100 man's bedroom. [fanfare] Yeah, this is no babe's boudoir.
Al: No honey's hideaway.
Tim: No wench's way station. Men, you've had lace in your face for far too long. Now it's time to come home... [knocks] to chrome.
Al: That's why we built the Man's Bedroom. So he feels as comfortable here as he does in his neighborhood bar.
Tim: As a matter of fact, in the Man's Bedroom, we have the neighborhood bar. Well, Milton, how's business?
Milton: Slow. What will it be?
Tim: Oh, a perfect Manhattan for me and a Shirley Temple for Al.
Quote from Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from This Joke's for You
Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.