Tim: You know my son, Randy.
Bud: Of course, I do. How could I forget the little guy? You still on the soccer team, huh?
Randy: Uh, no, that's my older brother, Brad.
Bud: Oh, oh, oh, you're the karate kid.
Randy: No, that's Mark.
Bud: Oh. Well, what do you do?
Randy: Well, I'm a journalist and I have some pretty tough questions for you.
Tim: You better come clean, Bud. Otherwise your name will be mud in the Lakeside High Reporter.
Bud: Oooh. We can't have that, huh?

Mark: I'll get it. Ronny left his dog collar upstairs.
Jill: Oh. Wouldn't want to go anywhere without that dog collar. They could throw you in the pound. So, Ronny, what's been going on?
Ronny: Stuff.
Jill: You know, Ronny, I know it's difficult for adolescents to be forthcoming with unfamiliar authority figures. It's totally understandable. Because the teenage years are a particularly alienating time, you know, developmentally speaking. I just want you to know that I am the kind of person who's interested in young people and willing to listen, in a non-judgmental, unthreatening manner.
Ronny: Later.
Jill: [to Brad] What did I say?
Brad: Stuff. Later.
[Tim storms in from the garage]
Jill: What's wrong?
Tim: Stuff.

Tim: Welcome back to Tool Time and our entertaining look at fiberglass and its resin.
Al: While we're waiting for our resin to dry, why don't we go to our question and answer section?
Heidi: All right, who has a question? Yes, sir?
Gus: Has your swimsuit calendar come out?
Heidi: It just went on sale in the Tool Time gift shop.
[Gus and a bunch of other guys in the audience rush for the exit]
Tim: Can we wait till after the show, fellas?
Men: Aw!

Gail: I just put up a fence. What's the best way to keep the wood from rotting?
Al: Well, you want to use a sealant that contains copper-8-quinolinolate.
Tim: Easy to use, fun to say.

Ralph: I'm re-doing my kitchen countertops. Can I lay the new laminate right over the old?
Al: You can, as long as you prepare the surface and the countertop is flat.
Tim: Or if it has a square backsplash, just like Al.
Heidi: Anyone else?
Ralph: I have another question. What do you have to say about Binford being one of the worst polluters in Detroit?
Tim: Where did you hear that?
Ralph: My kid brought home an article from the school paper.
Al: Sir, I can assure you that Binford Tools is an environmentally responsible corporation. Next question.
Ralph: Come clean, you bearded phony!
Tim: Bearded phony?

Wilson: [chanting]
Tim: [chanting] Wilson. Wilson. Wilson! What are you doing?
Wilson: Well, I was in a state of transcendental bliss.
Tim: Well, I'd like you to return to the state of Michigan, if you could.
Tim: I want to talk about this article in the Lakeside High Reporter.
Wilson: Oh, I haven't read it yet. I'm still working on the New York Times and Calcutta Courier. Usually I don't get to the high school papers until midnight.

Tim: The goat I'm talking about is a Pontiac GTO that I rebuilt in high school. And I couldn't have rebuilt it without a shop class. And I wouldn't have had a shop class unless I was willing to fight for it.
Randy: So that was the endangered species you saved?
Tim: Well, it was almost extinct. But I felt passionately that kids like me should have a place to work with their hands.
Randy: And the school didn't want that?
Tim: It was a budget thing. What really stuck in my craw was they weren't gonna touch the music department. You know, I didn't relate to bass bassoons and oboes. So I went to the principal office's and said, "Oh, this will come in real handy. Get a flat tire. Kid's like, 'I can't use a jack. Maybe you can pump the car with a glockenspiel'".
Randy: Bit over the top, Dad.
Tim: Exactly, it was over the top. The way I put it... Well, a lot of people thought I just wanted to destroy the music department. And all I really wanted to do was save the shop class. My passion got in the way of my vision.

Randy: Dad, I never wanted to destroy Binford.
Tim: I know, but it came off like that.
Randy: I just got a little too intense.
Tim: You were like Jimmy Olsen's evil twin.
Randy: And I definitely crossed a line calling you a sell-out.
Tim: Thanks. Maybe next time you meet with Binford, it'll go better.
Randy: Next time?
Tim: Well, look, if Binford's acted irresponsibly, Bud is the one to talk to. And no matter, you're a reporter. You've got to tell the truth, right?
Randy: Right. So, you're totally cool with me writing a new article?
Tim: Yes. I'm not getting in the way of your Fourth Amendment rights.
Randy: Well, that's good, 'cause nothing sticks in my craw like illegal search and seizure.

Jill: Hello. I'm Jill Taylor. I'm your counseling intern. Would you like to sit down? I've been looking over your case file and I see that you're having some trouble communicating with your son? Where is he? [Ronny walks in the room] You know, I think I'll be referring your case to another counselor.
Ronny: 'Sup?
Jill: Later.

Mark: [opens door] Hey, what's up, Ronny?
Jill: Hey, Mark, wait. Why don't you introduce us to your friend?
Mark: Fine. Ronny, that's my mom. That's my dad.
Jill: Hi.
Tim: [offers hand] Hey, Ronny.
Ronny: 'Sup? [both walk away]
Tim: Was that a... Was that a boy wearing a dog collar or a dog with a boy's head?