Jill: It's hard to believe that you guys have only been dating a month. You seem so comfortable with each other.
Trudy: I know. Al and I clicked the minute we met.
Al: Yes, we did. Although, I was a little gun-shy about getting back into a serious relationship.
Trudy: My last relationship ended badly, too.
Tim: [o.s.] Strike!
Jill: My current relationship is about to end badly.
Trudy: Tim's great, but Al, well, he's sensitive and deep and he never stops giving.
Al: You make me want to be a better Al.
Tim: [returns] I'm gonna go bowl one more frame.

Trudy: Al, did you know that today's our one-month anniversary?
Al: Did I know? You're darn tooting! Happy anniversary, Gertrude.
Trudy: Oh, thank you, Albert. I've always wanted one of these!
Tim: A cockroach on a chain.
Trudy: No, it's a scorpion. It's my birth sign.
Jill: It's beautiful.
Trudy: Thank you.

Trudy: Oh, and I also got a little something for you, too.
Al: [carefully unwraps present] I like to save the paper. Look! Oh, this is the perfect addition to my exotic car-key collection. Thank you.
Tim: Let me take a look at that.
Al: Look at that!
Tim: Wow! That's vintage. It's a Ferrari. What year was this for?
Trudy: A '66. For Al's '66 Ferrari. You know, the one that you like so much in the garage? It's yours. Happy anniversary.

Jill: Trudy is a really sweet woman who has some very serious self-esteem problems. She obviously feels that she has to buy Al to keep him in the relationship, and I think that Al is uncomfortable with this.
Tim: And he was masking his discomfort with all that giddy laughter?
Jill: So? It's a case of classic overcompensation.
Tim: Oh, stop it. Why are you picking apart something wonderful that happened in Al's life?
Jill: What? The relationship or the car?
Tim: Both! There wouldn't be a car without a relationship.

Jill: So you're saying that Trudy is the perfect woman for Al?
Tim: You know, you know, I've always had a good feeling about her.
Jill: You said she was a frumpy kook!
Tim: The same thing I've called Al. They're an ideal couple.
Jill: You don't care about Al.
Tim: Yes, I care about him.
Jill: You just care about that stupid Ferrari!
Tim: Stupid Ferrari? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho. For the sake of our marriage, I'm going to pretend that you never said that.

Al: We'll see. I'm having trouble with this car.
Tim: Well, it's a 12-cylinder Ferrari. It's probably a plug. I know a guy that'll fix it. Give me a half hour. Give me the keys. I'll take it over there.
Al: It's not a mechanical problem. I'm having a problem accepting such an extravagant gift! I mean, all I gave Trudy was that scorpion pendant.
Tim: Well, Ferrari, bug on a chain... It's the thought that counts, isn't it?
Al: I don't know.

Tim: You've worked really hard your whole life, right?
Al: Yes.
Tim: And what do you have to show for it? Nothing! Now, you have a woman who appreciates the real Al Borland. The competent, trustworthy, nice, wonderful human being. It's you, Al. You deserve it. Enjoy this.
Al: I suppose you're right.
Tim: Yes.
Al: I should just hold my head up high.
Tim: Hold your head up real high.
Al: Yeah! And put the pedal to the metal!
Tim: Pedal to the metal!
Al: And enjoy the ride that is my life!
Tim: Ride that is your life!
Al: Yeah!
Tim: Here are the keys!
Al: Here are the keys!
Tim: There they go!
Al: There they go.

Jill: You were fantastic. I don't understand why you're so upset about this game.
Brad: Mom, it was a disaster. We won eight to nothing and I scored three goals.
Jill: To most people that would be a good thing. What am I missing here?
Brad: No, Mom. I'm missing something. Facial hair, okay? The rest of the team looks like ZZ Top and I look like a four-year-old.
Jill: Oh... Poor baby. I mean, you're the best player on the team, and everyone else is gonna get those coveted facial-hair scholarships.
Brad: So what you're saying is I really shouldn't worry about my looks, and I should more or less focus on what's important in life?
Jill: Exactly.
Brad: You're so way off.

Jill: Al let you drive the Ferrari?
Tim: Bada-bing!
Jill: So how's the relationship going?
Tim: Perfect! It's like the car and I are one.
Jill: No, I mean the relationship with Al and Trudy.
Tim: Oh, Al's sitting on top of the world right now.
Jill: Do you mean that he is 100% comfortable with accepting this expensive gift?
Tim: Eighty percent, but I'll have him all the way there by Friday, guaranteed.

Al: I stopped by to see if you'd like to take a lap around the neighborhood with me.
Wilson: Well, I'd love to, but I gotta finish checking this wiring.
Al: Well, no rush. We still have to wait for Tim to come back from his test drive. [car speeding] Assuming he comes back. I'd hate for him to run off with Trudy's generous gift.
Wilson: You obviously are enjoying it very much.
Al: Oh, I am. I am. I mean, at first I was a little uncomfortable, but then, Tim gave me some very deep insights. [Wilson blinks in exasperation] [tires screeching] Yeah, he said not to worry about how much the car costs. He said even though I thought it was an inappropriate gift that I should just relax and enjoy it.
Wilson: Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
Al: And you should've seen the look on Trudy's face when she gave it to me. Oh, she was so happy.
Wilson: So Trudy was happy and Tim was happy, but you don't sound so sure.
Al: Well, this kind of puts a little pressure on the relationship. I mean, suddenly, you know, the emotional stakes are much higher. And what if it doesn't work out? How can I walk away without feeling guilty?
Wilson: You can always drive away. You've got a really fast car. [Al hangs his head in desperation] Oh, Albert, I'm sorry.