Emily: What are you feeding it?
Richard: I've got some leftover stew. I'm going to pick chunks of meat out of it.
Emily: Stew? Richard, tell me that that man of yours isn't feeding you stew?
Richard: Well, he probably offered. He said it was a recipe passed down by some dead relative.
Emily: Stew? That may be what killed his relative.
Richard: I didn't think of it.

Emily: Okay, now pretend I'm not here. You girls and I can chat later.
Lorelai: Okay. Well, um, Rory, oh my God, did I tell you about the horrendous thing that Mom did? She can be such a witch with a 'B'.
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: Oh, geez, Mom, I forgot you were there. My pretending is that good.
Rory: We can't really pretend you're not here, Grandma.
Richard: That's true, Emily. You have a presence that cannot be ignored.

Emily: [on the phone] Take it to the pool house.
Richard: What? Why?
Emily: Well, that's why we have it.
Richard: We have a pool house for stray dogs? Love the innuendo, Emily.

Lorelai: What else can we put down?
Michel: Oh, plenty. I saw two movies over the weekend. They were both awful.

Michel: I would advise that you change our cancellation policy. These people cancel and have to pay nothing.
Lorelai: I hate charging people for canceling. It's too corporate. We're doing things differently here.
Michel: Oh, yes. Bankruptcy will be fun and different. Be sure to file for it while it's snowing, won't you? We'll go down to bankruptcy court in a horse-drawn sleigh.

Paris: Stupid C-SPAN.
Rory: What?
Paris: Stupid C-SPAN's had me on hold forever and I've got to get going.
Lorelai: Well, you're not the only one who calls C-SPAN, Paris.
Paris: Right. There are a lot of us. Like the guy who asked the question about Iran's long-range missile production and nuclear capacity, then shouted Ba Ba Booie! Him they put on. Me they've got twiddling my thumbs.

Sookie: Please tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing.
Lorelai: What? I'm just cleaning up. We're short-handed today. Go about your business.
Sookie: You were pouring leftover coffee from other people's cups into your own cup and now you're going to drink it!
Lorelai: No, no, no!
Sookie: Give me that cup!
Lorelai: No, get away. Don't you understand if I don't get coffee in me, things are going to get ugly around here.

Richard: I found its exact breed, though, which may come in handy.
Emily: Oh, wonderful.
Richard: Let me bring up the website. dogbreed411.com.
Emily: Isn't that clever? It's amazing the information available on the computer these days.
Richard: Oh, it's wonderful. There are websites you'd be interested in, too.
Emily: Oh, I wouldn't know how.
Richard: Oh, it's easy. Whatever you're interested in, you just type it in - the DAR, or Louis Vuitton, Franz Schubert - and you're off and running.
Emily: That easy?
Richard: That easy.

Emily: There she is!
Richard: A long-haired Jack Russell terrier.
Emily: I'll start calling the neighbors and tell them we have a long-haired Jack Russell terrier.
Richard: A female.
Emily: What's all that luggage?
Richard: Ah, that is the Louis Vuitton website. I thought you might like to peruse it.
Emily: Isn't that something?
Richard: You use that mouse there to move around.
Emily: A mouse? How fun!

Luke: Should I bother to ask how your day's going?
Lorelai: Oh, terrif! My shoe's an icicle, the inn's driveway is snowed in and we lost the Goldfarbs.
Luke: Who are the Goldfarbs?
Lorelai: The two guests who bothered to show up. I sent them skiing and I killed them.
Luke: You killed your guests?
Lorelai: Eh, well, you know what happens.
Luke: Here.
Lorelai: [sighs] The only bright side of my day is being asked to be a prostitute.
Luke: That's something to cling to.
Lorelai: Oh, hot! Warn me!
Luke: Coffee's hot? Sorry. Coffee's hot.